LGBT: A (non existent) History

As an Historian who is also Gay I have no interest in ‘Gay History’ and I honesty do not care about it and doubt I ever will. There are many figures in history that I have great interest in, I like looking at how people reacted to them, what they did, how they did it, why they did it, and how their actions fit in to the bigger picture. I know some of these characters are at least bisexual and a few have homo-erotic rumours surrounding them but I do not really care about that because their sexuality never affected the course of history.

I know there have been some characters in history that have changed the course of events through their sexuality; however I still don’t understand how this would categorise under ‘Gay History’. To me History is about a number of different events happening through time which shape and mould the world we live in, with these events centred on common themes, people, countries and ideas. I fail to see a number of characters spanning thousands of years all transform into one solid timeline under the banner of ‘Gay History’.

Moving on to a more modern timeline and the battle for ‘Gay Rights’, this is a more consistent timeline, with common themes and ideas. It spans across all countries of the globe and includes people of all race and gender. So under my above definition of History this all fits in with a banner of ‘Gay History’. Well for everyone else it might do but for me it does not. Another thing which I believe makes History what it is, is the personal, emotional and physical contact with the events happening in the past. Growing up in Ireland I can appreciate Irish History as it affected my ancestors and the country which I was eventually born into. While I can also appreciate Russian History because I can see the rise and fall of different political ideologies and how they effected the world and not only shaped modern day Russia but also the world we all live in today. But I just do not have this same connection to ‘Gay Rights’.

Do not get me wrong, I appreciate that I live in a society where people in the past have fought to gain the freedoms I have to marry and to adopt and recognise that this fight is still raging on elsewhere in the world, but I do not feel connected to the characters who fought and are still fighting for it. Being gay means one thing to me; it means who I am going to fall in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with. End of. Being Irish does not affect my personality, my music taste, my voice, my political opinion, my fashion, my favourite colour, my favourite films, the books I like to read, or even what type of person I am. All of these things are to do with me, not my sexuality. So if my sexuality is something which defines nothing but the gender of the person I am going to fall in love with then why should feel connected to those who have these similar feelings?

The feel emotionally connected to anyone, I have to share the same sort of interests as them; what type of music we like, what political opinion we have, our favourite type of movies, and the list is endless because it is these types of things that form bonds, interests, friendships and even romances. Sexuality is not important to me in a person, and it shouldn’t matter to anyone. Once we stop labelling people on their sexuality and start seeing them for the person they really are, then, and only then, will we all truly be equal.

I have been to two meetings of my University’s LGBT society, the first one of my first year and the first one of my second year. I have gone down and talked to a few people and I have found that I do not have a single thing in common with any of them so I have never gone back. Why should a common sexuality form a friendship? It shouldn’t. If I have a common sexuality with someone then all we could talk about was what type of men we both fancied and comment on that and only that unless we had other common interests such as music, or literature or humour. Only then can emotional attachments begin to form between two people. The gay community have a huge issue with people saying to them ‘I have a friend who lives near me, he is gay, do you think you know him’ like there is some of ‘Gay Network’ like we are all connected because of our sexuality. In fact many gay people get really angry about this and claim it to be offensive, arrogant, and homophobic on the part of their friend.  Well this is exactly the same thing when it comes to ‘Gay History’ for me. Why should I know or care about people in the past because of a shared sexuality?

I can understand why people feel emotionally connected to individuals around the world who are fight for gay rights, but I don’t. Yes what they are doing might affect me in certain ways, but it will be affecting me as an individual not as part of a wider community. I am not part of a ‘Gay Community’ my sexuality does not make me a member of community spread throughout the entire globe just because all enjoy the sensation of having a penis in our ass. To be part of a community it needs to be much more than a shared physical pleasure it needs to be emotional. Yes we are all going to fall in love with the same gender, but that is a shared emotional feeling towards an individual not a community. I would say I am part of a ‘Conservative Community’. A community that has a shared belief in how the world should work and run and that is the emotional connection needed to create a community, a shared sense of beliefs.

If there was no more ‘equality laws’ passed in the United Kingdom I would die having lived my life to the fullest and would die a happy man. If more are passed then that is fine by me. I believe that I am an equal citizen under the eyes of British law. I am part of a wider scale British Community interested in British History (who just happens to also be gay).

I am not part of an LGBT Community, I have no interest in ‘Gay History’ and unless I have the same common thoughts and ideas about life as someone else then I will have no emotional connection to them. If I ever became the ‘First Gay Prime Minister of the United Kingdom’ I do not want it to go down in ‘Gay History’ because it will not be a breakthrough in equality I will just be another man living inside Number 10 Downing Street but this time with another man by my side. I do however hope that I do down in British History as one of the Greats who shaped this country for the better.

Northern Ireland (Gay) Adoption Law

Northern Ireland is the only part of the United Kingdom that still prohibits gay families to adopt. I am sorry but this has to be some sort of joke or something right? Well sadly it isn't and to make it even better this decision has been made to 'ensure child welfare'. So obviously they are trying to claim that a child's welfare is in danger if it is adopted by a same sex couple.

Frequent readers of my blog will be well aware I am not one for campaigning 'gay rights' and am, in most cases, quite frankly against most of the campaigns put up by the LGBT society as a whole, but it is things like this that really boil my blood. The reason this in particular infuriates me is because it purposefully bans same sex couples to adopt. There is no basic equality. In terms of the marriage movement, there is basic equality as civil partnerships give you the same legal privileges as a traditional marriage, yet here there is no basic equality.

Again what infuriates me is the fact that the rest of the UK will allow adoption to same sex couples but Northern Ireland will not. I am a British Citizen. I expect to have the same rights as every other British Citizen so why don't I? Well basically Devolution is the answer and because of it I have to listen to some idiot religious people who like to pick at particular laws in the Bible. I can handle that my MP, the Rt Hon. Jeffrey Donaldson, has said to me that he will not stand up for my rights in Parliament, because I can trust the maturity and sanity of other MP's do this for me. However in Stormont who is their left to turn to? Politicians in Northern Ireland will always tend to favour the Bible and religion over popular opinion. Northern Ireland does not have a 'Left Wing' and 'Right Wing' of Politics it has a 'Religious Bird' with a 'Non-Religious Feather' because lets be honest the Alliance Party has no real sway in anything.

I fear that this is going to turn into a religious debate or a list of reasons why I believe Devolution should be revoked from Northern Ireland so I am going to have to real myself back in again.

It is argued that because the 'right to adopt' is not recognised in any domestic or international law that Northern Ireland can stop whoever they want from adopting. Well if this argument is the case, to my knowledge, there is no domestic of international law on length of grass in a residential area, so I think we should all campaign that it must be 2 inches or less. What a pathetic excuse it is really. Simply because there is no higher authority pressuring them into it they will just not bother with it. Just because there is no higher law on the matter does not make it an excuse to ignore the matter, it is an opportunity to show the world that Northern Ireland is a progressive country who welcomes people from all walks of life.

This isn't law isn't even a mistake or happened by accident this was a 'deliberate, open-eyed' decision made to prevent same-sex couples from adopting a child. Supposedly to preserve it's welfare or some shit! I have spent the past hour trying to find the statistics I read a while back but no to success. So I cannot prove this and if I can and will put a link here to them. But basically it just said that in Foster cases a higher percentage of same-sex couples moved faster and more often from fostering to adoption than heterosexual couples and that the same-sex couples showed more enthusiasm during the whole process. Is it just me or would that not show a loving caring and stable family for an adoptive child. But then again I must be wrong in my thinking that a caring loving family is better for a child's welfare than staying never being adopted it's whole life.

This is one of the many reasons why Northern Ireland, Religion, Devolution and just people in general really piss me off. What is the point in living in the United Kingdom if it is one law for one person and one for another. If I wanted to live my life like that I would move to America thank you very much.

I am a British Citizen

Let me first of all go through the facts which show how I am a British Citizen.

1. I am from Northern Ireland, which is part of the United Kingdom

Well that is really the only fact that I need to prove that I am a British citizen. However this does not seem to be enough for people, certain people have told me 'Northern Ireland and Britain are separate', 'Irish people are Irish', 'Northern Ireland isn't in Britain', 'unless you where born on the island of Britain you can't be British' and finally my favourite 'Northern Ireland is in Ireland not United Kingdom'. So if I was to listen to all of these internet people I would believe myself to not  be British but let me just clear up a few of these misconceptions.

'Northern Ireland and Britain are separate'
'Northern Ireland isn't in Britain'

Well yes these two facts are indeed correct. So I cannot argue with them. However to the people who have tried to use these as argument to me my response to them is if they actually know what 'Britain' is. They usually reply with 'The UK' or slightly more intelligent people 'England, Scotland and Wales'. However both of these answers are wrong. The area known as Britain was used when referring to England and Wales alone, and after the Act of Union with Scotland it became known as 'Great Britain'. However today 'Britain' is used to refer to England, England and Wales, England Scotland and Wales, and the United Kingdom as a whole. So I let this slide as everyone has been slightly mislead.

'Irish people are Irish'

Well again this fact is true. People born in the Republic of Ireland are indeed Irish. People who use this argument against me assume that people in Northern Ireland are Irish. Well that is only partially true. Due to Northern Ireland not even being 100 years old yet there are people alive today (91+) who where alive when there was no such thing as Northern Ireland and therefore where born in a not yet separated Ireland. Being a direct descendent of these people there are a number of people who live in Northern Ireland who still want to hold on to the Irish pride in their family. Solution: Dual Nationality. Therefore there are a few Northern Irish citizens who are both British and Irish. Some refer to themselves solely as British and others solely as Irish. Each to their own of course.

'Unless you where born on the island of Britain you can't be British'

I will refer you back to my point of what 'Britain' actually is and remind you there is no official 'Island of Britain' there is however the 'Island of Great Britain'. Now if this argument was factually correct it may have had some intellectual weight, saying that though it still does not work. You do not have to be born in 'Great Britain' to be British. First of all 'British' is the nationality of the United Kingdom and not of a geographical island. May it also be noted here that certain English, Scottish and Welsh islands are not part of 'Great Britain'. Second you do not even have to be born in the United Kingdom to be British. If you read up on British Nationality Law you will see there are many ways to claim British citizenship, including parents being British, adoption by British family and many others with complicated rules and regulations. So overall this fact, although bordering on a sufficient argument is wrong.

  'Northern Ireland is in Ireland not United Kingdom'

This whole argument is just hilarious and I laugh at it, but I still feel the need to argument as a number of people feel it is a valid argument. So my arguments in short;

• The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
• My MP sits in Westminster
• My MEP's represent the UK in the EU
• My monarchy is HR The Queen Elizabeth II
• My currency is Sterling Pound
• My Flag is The Union Flag
• If I was put to jail I would go to 'Her Majesty's Prison'

I could go on and on but I feel the arguments would just get boring, but you get the point. Fact is fact that a United Ireland has not yet happened again and that Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom.



So there you have it. I am a British Citizen. But does that make British? Well no. Officially I am a British Citizen but that doesn't mean I feel British. The United Kingdom being a 'country of countries' there are people who feel more pride in their home country and may feel 'English', 'Scottish', 'Welsh' or 'Northern Irish'. These are not recognised nationalities, but it does not mean people can't feel that way. Immigrants who come into the country may officially be British Citizens but they still may consider themselves 'American' or 'Polish' or 'Australian'.

Nationality is two things; your official nationality (albeit dual or not) and the nationality you feel in your heart. Which one is more important? Is it right be officially be one and feel another? Is dual nationality right? These are all argument for another day. For now I shall leave you as I walk around my flat singing the British National Anthem...

Is My Life more than 140 Characters

So Lent is upon us, many of my friends are giving up crisps, sweets and alcohol, there also things they haven't given up which they probably should have, but that is not my place to say. So I thought to myself, what can I give up for Lent? Many Christians celebrate lent by giving up certain luxuries and by practising self discipline, they use the spare time created to fill their lives with more productive things. So I thought to myself what is there in my life that is taking up a lot of my time that I could other wise be using productively. The answer of course was Twitter.

I am going to give up Twitter for Lent

This is going to be one of the hardest things in my life! That is rather pathetic to say, but I really think it will be. But I am going to spend the time I would have otherwise used to be on Twitter to fill it with uni work and other things that are productive. I know my time spent on Facebook and Tumblr will increase to compensate not being on Twitter but I do believe my overall time spent online will decrease.

My life is more than 140 characters... it is time to start living my life to my full potential and start working towards to future that I want to have.

The Nathan Dickson Rule

Call up the man you like and ask him on a date. Did he say yes? Great, he probably likes you. What if he makes up an excuse for why he can’t go out? This is the time to employ the Nathan Dickson Rule.

Imagine that instead of you, Nathan Dickson had asked this same man out. Would he use the same excuse with him? If Nathan Dickson asked him on a date, would he still say he had to study or was going to the movies with friends that night? Nope. He would have dropped pretty much anything and everything to be able to accept a date with Nathan.

Now you’re not Dickson obviously. But if a man is interested in you, he will drop his other plans to be available to go out with you.

Of course there are exceptions; the man may have a legitimate reason he cannot make the date. Perhaps he has to work or go to a funeral. But, and here is the real clincher, he will suggest a different time for the date. He will say something along the lines of “I can’t do it Saturday night, do you want to hang out next weekend?”

If he makes up an excuse and he does not suggest an alternative plan, you have been shut out. He is not interested. Do not ask him out again. Doing so will only result in awkwardness and you feeling like a tool.

But don’t worry; he probably isn’t as cool as you thought he was since he doesn’t appreciate your charms. Start pursuing another man who will.

Living on Your Own

With the job that I have at university I get a rent free flat instead of getting paid, which for a student is fantastic. It is a huge weight off my mind and less worry about how much money is coming out of my account every month. The one downside is that I live in this flat alone.

My job is an 'Accommodation Liaison Student', basically I am there as a sort of welfare and discipline student for first year students. I do 2-3 nights a week and get every 4th week off, so the workload isn't too bad. There are four first year accommodations on my University campus and there are 4 ALS's in every building. So me and three others work in my building, each of us having our own flat. As a group of 16 we all get on reasonably well and am very god friends with a few of them, I also have my friends who I know from my first year of uni and then new friends I have made this year. So I am never alone, I always have friends to go and hang out with, but, living on my own can get awfully lonely.

As I said I do have friends who I go out and hang out with so I am not alone, I am just lonely. All my life I have lived with someone; up until I was 18 I lived with my Mum my Dad and my sister and then when I was in my first year of university I shared kitchen and bathroom spaces with 17 other people, but now there is just me. It is weird waking up to an empty flat and coming home at night to an empty flat and something to this day I still find hard to cope with.

I go out and see my friends when we are all free, but sometimes I have uni work or they have uni work and having friends who have similar work patterns to you it is hard to find a day when a few of us are free to just chill or go out and have a drink. Before Christmas I don't think I tried as hard as I probably should have done to see everyone when I could have but that was my own fault really. So when I go back to uni I am going to try and follow these tips on how to live on my own successfully.

Top Tips on How to Live on Your Own

1. Food
   Shopping for food was something it took me a while to get used to, as I was used to buying food that I could share with other people that I was living with and at the start of the year I was throwing away a lot of food. But what I found is that if I specifically buy more food than needed, I can make my meals and freeze them for use another night. If it suits you then have the same meal every day for a week and if you don't want to do that have the same 4/5 meals over the space of a few weeks and spread them all in. Buying in bulk can help to cut the costs and doing this will help to cut down on your weekly shopping bill.
2. Keep Yourself Busy
   Always try to have something planned for everyday. If you have a plan of what you want to do that day you can just get about doing it. Even if your plan is to have a lazy day in your PJ's and do nothing that is what you planned to do that day and you don't feel like you are wasting your day. Try to plan days or nights out with people in advance so if you do unexpectantly have nothing to do one day you have something to look forward to that night. Or if you do find you have nothing to do do not be afraid to call up and see if anyone else is free to have a casual drink or watch a movie.
3. Don't Watch TV During the Day
   One of the things I hated most about living on my own is when you wake up, or come home from seeing friends I was always alone in my flat with nothing to do. But if you can get your favourite television series 'on demand' wait until those nights you come home with nothing to do and watch them then. If you are sticking to Tip 2 and you are keeping yourself busy then you will be grateful to have something to do late at night when everyone has gone home and you are in your flat alone or you have just woken up and are waiting to go to class or work.
4. Take Yourself off Somewhere New
   If you want to spend the day relaxing by reading a book or if you have some work to do for your class or exams to revise for, leave your flat and do it elsewhere. Go to the library to study or down to the pub and have a drink and read but just try to get out of your flat. Living alone can get frustrating with having nothing but those same four walls to look at, but getting a change of scenery can be a great help, more than you realise. Being somewhere different can keep you away from feeling like you are trapped and alone and can actually relax you.
5. Yes All That Mess is Yours
   I never realised how messy I could actually be until I lived on my own. Living with other people you can often rely on someone else to wash up that breakfast bowl you forgot about or replace the toilet roll that is nearly running out. Living on your own you have to do everything yourself, do not leave it all until the last minute. Take a day every week, for me it is a Friday, and make that your cleaning day. Go about the flat, dust it, hoover it, tidy it all up, do your laundry and make sure you are not running out of toilet roll and toothpaste. This day is also a good day to do a small weekly shop of anything you are running out of and will save a huge bill when you do your 'Big Shop'

The Art of Arguing

I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.

 - Thatcher




Anybody who knows me at all will know that I love a good argument. Arguing is what I do best, quite frankly I can make an argument out of anything. I have very 'different' opinions than everyone else and not a lot of people agree with me. THIS is what I love about Twitter, is that I can interact with lots of different people who don't agree with me. It gets my juices flowing, gets me going for a good argument.


I think an 'argument' is the wrong word here, a 'healthy debate' is what I am really looking for. I love sitting down and just bashing out a debate with someone then at the end of it agreeing to disagree and move on, end of. What really bugs me though is when people just take it too far and start to make it all personal. That I suppose is where it becomes an argument. That for me is when I lose respect in people.


My understanding in the situation is that you will never find anyone who will agree with you 100% and when you do ,you should try and not let them get into your life. I have been friends with people and any time we ever discussed politics and either of us made a point the other would reply with 'oh yes I totally agree'. To me that is a crap conversation, I got easily bored of this person and we are no longer friends, not because we don't like each other, simply because we had far too much in common and it got boring.


It is true what they say 'differences attract'. My twitter following is an example of that, my timeline is filled with Labour supporters and sure most of their tweets make me scream at how wrong I think they are, but that is the fun of it. In my mind if you are going to have the strongest possible argument you need to know what the oppositions argument is so you know how to counter it. For this simple reason I read The Guardian and The Independent. I am Right Wing and find if I sit and read the Telegraph I just sit there reading it going ''you don't say'' and it bores me. I like to read something that challenges my opinion, makes me think differently to what I believe and by the end of the day strengthen my own views.


Anyone who has ever argued me will try and deny this, but I love losing a debate. When I lose a debate, I can see that my argument isn't strong enough. It is usually unlikely that my view has completely changed, so what I do is look at the arguments that trumped me and see if I can break them down and find a counter-argument to them. If I believe in something I want to try and convince others so I obviously like to have a strong argument.


Some of my 'rules' I like to follow when having a debate with someone:

• This is not a personal debate, so do not make it into one.
• Just because this persons disagrees with me does NOT mean that I will dislike them personally.
• Don't force an opinion change, simply put forward another point of view.
• NEVER tell them they are wrong.
• When you have been defeated, admit defeat. 
• Do not make fun of or slate someone's opinion, they have that opinion for a reason.
• Do not make your arguments into personal attacks.
• If they make their arguments into personal attacks, end the debate otherwise it will get heated and turn into a bloodbath. (Even if it means they think they have won, let them)

Politics, and life in general is all about opinion. Nobody is right or wrong. We all just have different opinions. I am a firm believer in that there should be periods of short 5 year governments to keep the country in a stable position.I may be a right wing Tory but I know that sometimes Labour policies are what is needed to get something done. For example I do not agree pensioners having free bus / rail travel, however I understand that it is a very positive policy.

Just because you don't agree with an opinion, it does not mean you should not respect it and the person who holds it. That doesn't mean you shouldn't discuss other alternative opinions, it just means you shouldn't force your opinion on them or tell them they are wrong. It is pretty simple really!

Margaret Thatcher: The Gay Icon

Whoever would have thought that such a right wing conservative Prime Minister could become one of the biggest 'Gay Icons' in my life? Well she has. Sure Thatchers government was known for putting one the worst anti-homosexual bills through parliament in 1988, Section 28 (which nobody was ever actually prosecuted under might I add), but she has become one of the biggest political role models in my life and quite simply I adore her. To fuel fire towards my love for Thatcher the one and only Meryl Streep has portrayed her in The Iron Lady which I believe will only make Thatcher even more of a Gay Icon.

It may seem to some people that a gay loving Thatcher is like a turkey loving Christmas. However in my mind other gay icons, such as Adele, Lady Gaga and Beyonce all have one thing in common, which is a 'stick it to the man, I am a strong women who won't let no man walk over me' type of attitude which attracts them to becoming these gay icons. Thatcher is the epitome of this on the political stage, I am sorry but 'The lady is not for turning' could not be any more evident of this. Thatcher just explodes with the sense that she is there, she is going to do what she wants to do and she will not let any other man in the House of Commons tell her otherwise. This for me is the sole reason why she is, and forever should be, a gay icon.

To be any form of icon you need to be able to create yourself out of yourself put on your best smile no matter the occasion and let nobody put you in the corner and this is one thing Thatcher knew how to do. Like other gay icons she does nothing but emasculate the men around her making them whimper and fear in her presence. Thatchers power comes from her sense of dominance, not only within her own cabinet but the whole of the political spectrum. In comparison to John Major (her successor) she stands bright and strong above him, giving this sense of her towering above the rest looking down on them in this glow of excellence. This control and power over men most likely is that which attracts Lady Thatcher into becoming the icon she is.

In contrast to the many dull, old and boring male MPs (and that of the female MPs who looked like the dressed in the dark), Thatcher towered over them with, her eloquence, her femininity, the fact that she set out to achieve what she desired with nothing but raw determination and not to mention her fashion all set her up to be this powerful icon. Her fashion sense was and still is pure camp; with her wardrobe filled with colour, pearls, brooches and hats, any fashion conscience person could see what attracts the gays to her. With her it seems every day is a wedding, that she knows the magic of hairspray and has a wardrobe to rival the Queen herself. With lines like 'the pearls are absolutely non-negotiable' coming from The Iron Lady how can it be said that Thatcher herself is not being portrayed as 'camp' herself.

Sure enough I love Thatcher not only because of this but because of her style of leadership, her complete and utter confidence in herself, her never surrendering approach and also and quite importantly her polices as well. Thatcher may be one of the most hated politicians around, but she is arguably one of the most loved as well. Thatcher is quite like Marmite you either love her or hate, this usually stemming from the fact that she either f**ked over your family or made your life better. Either way I adore her and sure her policies may have been classed as harsh but I stand firmly in my belief that we look at Thatcher too much in hindsight and that she was what was needed at the time.

"If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing."

Homophobia

I have been incredibly lucky in that in my life since coming out; I have never experienced any form of personal homophobic abuse. Sure I have had snide comments made, but they have never been direct and they have never been anything too serious other than the traditional 'religious' side of it. That was until today, and what surprised me most was that it came from someone who I thought was a very good friend of mine.

I went out with my sister and our mutual friend, who for the purpose of this blog shall be called Sarah. Now Sarah and I  have been good friends for many years, I know and get on with her mother very well, in fact I used to spend time sitting in with her mum when Sarah wasn't there and I know her family well. We went out and had a very enjoyable day. The day was turning out to be a very enjoyable day especially seeing as I was not looking forward to it in the first place, for financial reasons. So before we went to the cinema that night we stopped in McDonalds where the laughs and jokes continued.

My sister has been in a relationship with a guy for a while now and I constantly joke about her getting married and having children and basically planning out her whole life for her. I told her she isn't allowed to have a child until she is married and that I would want our children to be about the same age so they can be good friends as cousins. This is what the conversation went like after:

Sarah: 'You want what?'
Me: 'Our children to be the same age so they can grow up together'
Sarah: 'What do you mean?'
Me: 'Well I want to adopt so Kylie's (my sister) child has to be born after she is married so it gives me enough time to find someone to adopt with.
Sarah: 'Well honestly I would rather have Kylie have a child before marriage than have someone like you adopt'
Me: '..... sorry what?'
Sarah: 'Well I just don't think people like you should be allowed to adopt'

Well I wanted to scream, cry and slap her all at the same time! I just couldn't believe what I had just heard and even though I love to cause a scene I just was not in the mood so I just sat there in silence. I constantly got snide comments from my sister and her about how I was in a 'huff' etc. I still just sat there and shrugged. We where supposed to go to the cinema, but the film was sold out so I just said I wanted to go home. They brought me home and drove away. I didn't want to get my parents involved so I never said anything and just let it all slide. When I went up to my room it took every ounce of strength not to cry.

About 20 minutes later I got a BBM saying 'Why you always go on wee huffs when I'm with yous! You just ruined a good wee day'. Again it took everything I had not to bitch back at her but it wasn't worth it so I just dropped it. Until my sister came home. She stormed into my room claiming I ruined the whole day and I didn't have to go into a mood about everything. That was the final straw. I stood up and started screaming at her telling her how dare she side with her and that I was her own brother. She tried to fight her corner but I just slamed my door and started to cry.

My mother and father came upstairs at this point. Well my parents never really had a good relationship with me since I came out and I didn't know what was to happen next. But my mother sat with me and let me cry. Then she went to my sister and started fighting my corner which made me cry even more, this time with happiness. She said Sarah's name wasn't to be spoken in this house again, my sister was free to be friends with her or whatever but she was no longer welcome in this house and will have nothing more to do with her.

I was so proud of my mother. All I could muster to her was a mouthed 'Thank You' after it all.

The thing was if it had have been anyone else I wouldn't have cared. I also don't care if any of my friends have the same opinions but they have no need to voice them and neither did she. I don't agree with some of my friends life choices but I stick by them and support them because that is what friends do. To me it is simple, if the choice that friend makes does not effect your friendship in anyway then there is no need to voice negative opinion. Sarah could have spent the rest of her life disagreeing with my choice of adoption but as long as she supported me when I needed it I honestly would not have cared.

To me homophobia is not the problem. The problem is when a friend decides that you have become a different person because of your sexuality. It is when they decide in their heads that  your personality has changed or your humour or your friendship. That is the problem. I have number of friends who I know are uncomfortable and in some cases have a problem with my sexuality, but they don't voice it to me and tell me I should change or that they disapprove of me and in fact some of them are very close friends to me. Sexuality should not effect friendship, just like the colour of your skin, the colour of your hair, your weight, your looks, your shoe size or even if your disabled. It is the person inside that defines friendship. When it comes to me homophobia only becomes a problem when other people make it into a problem.

Whether you are gay, straight, black, white, disabled, ginger or anything that makes you 'different' I will not judge our friendship on that, I will judge it on who you are inside. Is that not the way it is supposed to be?

2012

So 2011 is coming to a close and 2012 is slowly creeping towards us. There are many, many speculations as to what 2012 will bring us, and I am sure many changes will happen whether they be world changes or more likely, personal changes. I do not believe in any form of 'Rapture', and that we shall live life as normal and by 2013 another rapture date will be set for us all to fear about. The only thing I fear is a Dalek breaking free in the salt plains of Utah and planning to kill everything on Earth, for me that is more likely than a religious war between good and evil.

(If you get the reference then I love you)

On Christmas Day I got a 2012 diary from Santa and it made me think, what have I got planned for 2012? What do I hope to achieve by the end of the year? Honestly, I didn't think I could answer either of those. I sat down later that day to fill dates into my diary, which I must say I have a great love of doing, and I wrote very little in it in fact I only wrote three things in it. Looking at what I did write, it makes me think about what I might hope and plan to actually achieve in 2012.

Relationships.
I will admit that I noted down what I hope to be the year anniversary between me and my boyfriend. I have never been in a relationship that has lasted anywhere near a year but this one I hope lasts the year and beyond. I think me writing that there confirms the fact that I believe that it actually might, and I sincerely hope that it does.
I always worry about growing old alone. Not just being single, but being truly alone and having nobody. I have felt it more these past few months than ever before. In regards to my job I get a flat paid for me, so I live rent free. However this flat is where I live. Alone. I have plenty of friends who I go out and socialise with and hang out with, but when I wake up in the morning and when I come home at night I feel more alone than I have ever felt before.
All my life I lived with my family, knowing that throughout the day I would have contact with them. Then when I moved to university I shared a living environment with 18 people, which made it impossible to ever be left alone. But now there is only me. When I am in my flat by myself I feel lost, trapped, alone. I miss that constant physical contact with another human being. I guess what I want and need out of 2012 is to keep the relationships I have, and strengthen and grow the ones that are just beginning.

Stirling.
The second thing I noted in my diary was 'Going back Home'. I noticed after I marked the date that I never wrote 'Stirling' or 'University', I wrote 'Home'. I guess this is true, Stirling is my home now. I spend most of the year in Scotland and will be spending around 9 months of 2012 there, so why shouldn't it be my home now. They always say 'home is where the heart is' and my heart is truly in Stirling. I no longer see Northern Ireland as home any more, this is where I was born, Lisburn is my home town but not my home.
When I come home I want nothing more than to get back to Stirling, I hate being back home, especially under the rule of my mother. When I am in Stirling I am my own man, I am independent but while I am in Northern Ireland I hear the phrase 'while you are under my house you abide by my rules' far too often. I love my family and always will, but once you get a taste of independence and freedom you don't want to be caged up any more.
I have said to my parents that next Christmas I might only come home for Christmas week and be back in Stirling for New Years, who knows if that will happen but it is what I want. 2012 will see me moving further from my family and see the beginning and continuation of my own life, as my own man.

Growing Up.
The third and final thing I wrote in my diary is the one thing that frightens me about 2012 more than any Rapture ever could, my 20th birthday. After February I won't be a teenager any more and that scares the life out of me. I know it really is no difference but it just makes me realise that I am growing up and I am maturing. A friend said to me that since September she has seen me grow up and mature right before her very eyes. I laughed at her when she said it, but it is true and I can see it myself. I suppose that is something to be proud of.
But it makes me wonder, did I make the most of my teenage life? I know I am only turning 20 and have my whole life ahead of me, but do I have the same opportunities I might have missed out on? Have I really lived life to its fullest? Then I think to myself there is nothing stopping me from doing that now, and that no I haven't missed out on anything or wasted my teenage years. I have changed a great deal since I was 13, all for the better and surely that is what is more important. The final date in my diary scares me, but it also reminds me that there is always enough time to live life by the fullest and do what I want to do!


Writing this blog has made me realise that the one second that changes a minute to a new hour. an hour to a new day and a day to new year will not change one thing about me. 1st of January 2012 marks nothing more than a new day, a new calendar on the wall and the beginning of a few weeks of embarrassing yourself while you still write the year as 2011. Sure it may feel like a fresh start to some but to others it will be a fresh start because they are the ones who take every single say as a fresh start to do something good and to better their life. Sure these may be goals I have for 2012 but everyday will be filled with a fresh and ever changing goal as everyday shapes who I am and who I am becoming.

I Don't Believe in Gay Marriage!

When I grow up I want to be a gay politician, live in a gay house, cook gay dinner, watch gay tv, have a gay marriage, grow old with my gay husband and have gay kids.
NO!
When I grow up I want to be a politician, live in a house, cook dinner, watch tv, have a marriage, grow old with my husband and have a kid.
Just because I am gay does NOT mean that everything in my life is gay. So why should I have a 'gay marriage', why does it have to be labelled because of my sexuality, why can't I just get married?


In saying that though, I think the idea of marriage needs to be reviewed. Marriage used to be all about religion and being seen as a couple in the eyes of God, but not everyone believes in God so why should marriage still revolve around him? Sure you can get married in a Civil Ceremony but they still talk about being under the 'eyes of God'. I'm not a firm believer in God so why should I get married under his supervision and I am pretty sure atheists would feel the same.


Not only that, but many religions do not want to allow gays to get married, because of this religious belief of marriage, so why should we make them? Why should we stand and tell them that their religion is wrong? Everyone has an opinion, everyone has beliefs. Who are we to make them change them? Who made us God? Nobody. So instead of forcing them to change their views of marriage, why don't we change ours.

Marriage is a legally binding institution that defines how property, pensions, employment benefits, tax-credits, child support and inheritance and tenancy agreements are treated if one partner in the marriage dies, or the marriage comes to an end. -  UK Law

We need to strengthen the idea that marriage is not just a religious thing, but it is a contract between two people, sometimes for reasons other than religion; social, economic, spiritual and even just the emotional attachment that humans have to be with someone. We need to have two different forms of marriage. For the sake of argument I will call them 'Religious Marriage' and 'State Marriage'.


This solution is basically already in place in many countries, but it needs to be reinforced and strengthened and it needs to be seen as both marriages being different entities but still supporting the same basis. 


Religious Marriage:
You go to a church, or whichever place of worship you have, and have a traditional (or not) ceremony. You get married under the eyes of God and your protect the sanctity of marriage. You are not effecting anyone else, you are doing it by your own religion and that is that. You are now married under the eyes of God. But not the state. If you want to be married under the eyes of the state, to gain all the advantages of being married, you sign a document along with your Minister (or equivalent) and you are now married under the eyes of the state. Sounds pretty simple and is basically the same procedure which happens in today's society.


But the things is, not all people want this, Atheists for example, and then many religious groups do not want certain groups to get married in a church, Gays for example. So for this we have State Marriage.


State Marriage:
You got to a government approved building, or an alternative setting pre-arranged, such as libraries, beaches or even your own house, and have a wedding ceremony. You get married under the eyes of the state. The ceremony is not based on God or religion or anything and you sign a few papers along with the official who married you and you are now married under the eyes of the state, being able to enjoy the advantages it brings. This way you have not interfered with any religion and have not destroyed the 'sanctity of marriage'.


Is it just me or this not common sense. There should be a separation of church and state. Why should a state of elected officials be told by a religious body who does and doesn't have the right to get married? At the same time why should a religious body, which has been around for thousands of years, be told who they can and cannot stop getting married. It is unfair and unjust on both occasions. This way there is no confusion as to who (everyone) can get married.


Religious people can get married under the eyes of God and be happy knowing they are continuing in a thousand year old tradition while groups just as gays and atheists can get married under the eyes of the state knowing they are not infringing on the religion of others. This way different churches and different religions can choose whether or not they want gay marriage in their church. This is not stopping gays from getting married in a church, this is a solution to prevent from forcing view points on one another.


My name is Nathan Dickson and one day I want to grow up and get married. I don't want a 'gay marriage' I want a marriage. I want to be able to live my life free from religious constraints and free to marry who I please. Is that so hard to ask. Why does religion have to be brought in to it? All I want is to be able to enjoy the benefits being married has in a state and under the eyes of the law.

It's not the size of the Army, it is the Force of the Attack!

So I have studied many battles in my years of being a History student and I have learnt that it is not the size of the army that matters, but it is many other factors that determine a victory or not. Like what can you actually do with the army that you have? How successful has your army been in the past? Does your army have a reputation? The list goes on and on.

Compared to America, Vietnam had a very small army. America had this huge reputation about how it had never lost a war and was always victorious. Yet, Vietnam still won. Size isn't everything and America needed to learn this. Sure America's size had got it through some pretty good times in the past, but this time its size would not get it the victory it needed. Strategy and tactics is what is needed. Vietnam showed that sometimes a full out attack is not always the way to go, sometimes you need to warm up first. Guerilla Warfare got them through the war very successfully. They showed America that even though they had a small army, by use of small short attacks they could get the result that was required. It is not the size of the army, but all about how you use what you have got.

China's 'Ever Victorious Army' is another example of an army was ever victorious even though it encountered armies which where much bigger than it was. Here the battles where won because of training. If an army knows what it is doing and is well equipped it can defeat a less educated army simply. The Ever Victorious Army where very well trained not only in combat but also in strategy and used this to take down even the greatest of foes. This army is a prime example of showing us that it is not the size of the army,  but it is all about knowing what you are doing and not just about storming the keep.

During the American Civil War there where plenty occasions where battles where won by smaller forces. The Battle of Chanellorsville is one of these such occasions. The Confederacy force defeated the Union force even though it was fighting an army over double its size! The Confederacy used a number of different tactics throughout the battle from splitting it's troops to using defensive measure mixed with all out assaults. By varying its tactics it was able to successfully win the battle. We can see here that again it is not the size of the army that counts it is how you deliver your attack, by using different tactics and trying different things you will always come out with a better battle!

So from the three examples shown I think it is clear to say that the leader of the bigger army is not always going to be the most successful leader. To be a successful leader you need to work to your advantages. First of all you need to know what you are doing, if you don't know how to have a battle then you are screwed as the outcome is not going to be pretty and you will make a fool of yourself. You need to be able to know not only your tactics, but your opponents tactics, by knowing how each army is going to react you will give yourself a much better outcome than not planning your attack. Know what works for you. If a leader has a specific tactic that guarantees victory, use it, but know when to use it and how often to use it as too much of a good thing is not always a good thing. It is not about how big your army is, it is about the force of the attack and how big of an impact you make. There is no point winning a battle if it is never going to be celebrated in history as being a great battle. Remember there is a difference between a victory and a historical victory.


AND YES if you haven't already realised this blog was all about sex!

A Hypnotist, A Blue Movie and A Strip Show!

So this is going to be more of a personal blog, I hope to do a few more of these and link them to my YouTube videos and have the two inter-related. It might not stay like this, but we shall see how it goes.

So last night (Friday 16th September) I had just planned to have a quiet night in and basically do nothing, but my friend asked me to go down to the Union and have a little drink with her. Never saying no to a free a drink I went ahead. Turns out the Stirling Uni Rag Pub Quiz was on, with only the two of us we thought we might as well give it a go and have a laugh in the process. 'We can't afford a team name' was born and the quiz set off.

We didn't start off too well, but eventually we pulled our way up and came out on 4th place out of about 8 teams. The team that did win had 12 people in it, breaking the '6 per team' rule but, what ever I am not bitter, we had a laugh and enjoyed ourself. One of the winners won tickets to see the Hypnotist, who was there as part of our Freshers week, they had two spare tickets so kindly donated them to my friend and I, we happily accepted and headed down for further free fun.

I had never been to a hypnotist before and really wanted to give it a go. We got there about 5 minutes before the show started and we had no where to sit, being slightly tipsy and realising if I volunteered I would be given a seat I decided to 'fuck it' and go up on stage. After a few exercises to see how easy it was for the hypnotist to put us under he choose his victims and put us to sleep.

Can I just point out that every time he put me to sleep I woke up and there was drool everywhere, it was NOT a pretty sight I must say!

The hypnotist then went on to have a little bit of fun with us, first off he had us pretending we where the best pianists of all time, now the whole thing is kind of like a dream to me but, I kind of remember kicking my legs and waving about during this. I have a funny feeling I thought I was Jean Martyn off this years Britain's Got Talent! If you don't know who that us click here and that will give you an idea of how I was getting on.

About to rock the house with our Pianos

 He then went on to convince us that we where on a plan to Caribbean and where enjoying our in flight film. Which started off as a comedy making us laugh hysterically, anyone who knows me will know my laugh is HIGHLY embarrassing to begin with anyway, a horror film which made us scream, but the worst was to come. The in flight film suddenly turned in a 'Blue Movie' which was okay, until he told us someone we knew was in it, and then that we where in it as well. I will not inform you who was in my film, although ask any of the 100+ audience members and they will surely tell you!

On to the half time show!

At half time I thought to myself great the horror is over, sadly not, we where brought backstage and told to dress up. Turns out the guys who volunteered where going to BE the half time show. This is where night gets that little bit more interesting for the audience and a little bit more embarrassing for the rest of us! The half time show was opened by Diana Ross, and then along came Abba.

Yes that is me in a ginger wig thinking I was Abba, all singing all dancing.

So after Abba, Dolly Parton made an appearance, as did Cheryl Cole, Lady Gaga also turned up, not to mention Kylie Minogue  but then along game Jedward....

Surprisingly I actually liked my hair like that, wasn't 100% sure about the Silver Jumpsuit though

After a performance by Freddie Mercury and  Michael Jackson half time was over and if I thought I would get off lightly boy was I wrong.

The boys where then given these magical glasses which allowed us to see all of the girls in the room naked, upon realising this wasn't really my thing I got a new pair which allowed me to see the guys naked, I have to say it was a lovely sight, but honestly, I don't need no glasses to see the guys I want naked.

My glasses where picked just for me, green, how original giving the 'Irish Guy' the green glasses!

So after having a little but more fun with us, making us believe we where the ones actually naked, then making us believe we had lost our penis' and then finally returning them to us, but to my joy it had grew significantly larger (not that it was needed mind you). After making us believe we where part of the Russian Ballet dancing to Swan Lake the audience decided I was the best dancer (thanks audience) so I was so very kindly hypnotised into believing that I was the one and only Michael Flatley. Now on a normal day I like to Irish Dance around my room when B*Witched comes on my Ipod, but this was just horrible!

Showing off my true Irish Heritage!

Coming to the end of the show now and the Hypnotist thought he was being a bit harsh on us so he thought he would give us a parting gift. The best orgasm we had ever experienced. Whenever he shook our hand we would receive said gift, apart from me. Turns out I was made to chase him about and force him to shake my hand. Which was embarrassing enough, until everyone got to witness me believing I was having an orgasm.

Best Orgasm Face EVER!

 Was so good I literally fell straight to the floor.

Was this the end of the night? No? How should any good show end? That's right! With the Full Monty!

Why I had a chair I will never know....

 Waking up and thinking wondering why I was basically naked in front of 100 people!

So yeh, this was my Hypnosis experience. The whole thing was a bit of a blur. I can kind of remember everything happening, although it feels like a dream. It is hard to explain little bits keep coming back to me. I knew what I was doing the whole time, I think, but I just couldn't stop myself.

None the less, I had an AMAZING night, I enjoyed myself, got a few cheers at the end and a few handshakes, and now it would seem I have no shame whatsoever within Stirling University!

The 'Right' Way to Go

Tough on causes of crime, tougher on crime.

I am a believer that there are causes to crimes. Every action has a cause. Growing up in a council estate is not a cause for crime. Yes in some cases but not in all. Dropping out of school is not a cause for crime. Yes in some cases but not in all. Crime is committed because people think there is nothing wrong with their action, they can get away with it, don't care what happens to them or that conditions in prison are better than those they currently face. Yes some of these situations should be brought to a position of importance. However rulings on those that do commit crimes should be reformed first.
What really annoys me is that people commit crimes and then get away with them. If a criminal pleads guilty to a crime they are given a less harsh sentence or on some occasions are set free all together. I am sorry but this is wrong. People should not be rewarded for admitting to a crime. 'Do the crime do the time.' If you are not prepared for the consequences don't kill the person in the first place. People who commit crimes need to be given harsher, longer sentences. Bring in more life sentences if you ask me.

Not enough money to accommodate more prisoners.

This may be true but that is because too much money is spent on prisons. When you go to prison you go to be punished. Yet for some people prison is a life of luxury. It is a common occurrence for some people to commit crimes because when they are sent to prison they are given rooms with Sky TV and a Playstation 3. I am sorry but that is wrong. Less money needs to spend on accommodating prisoners. Human Rights has nothing to do with it. You commit a crime you get punished, you get put into jail, your Human Rights are stripped down to the basics. You live in a cell with a bed, a toilet and a sink. You are there because you are a horrible person who breaks the law, not to live a better life than you would on the outside.

Less Police, more powers.

I recently read an article about a Police Officer who got an award for going into a gang fight and breaking it up single handed. David Cameron commemorated him and praised the British Police force for risking their lives everyday to keep our streets safe. I am sorry but has he seen Northern Ireland Police? If a riot breaks out they send down half a dozen riot vans for them to sit there and do nothing and let the gangs get on with it. When the police do get out in their riot gear, again they stand and do nothing. Why? Because if they intervened it would be against Health and Safety or a rioter would sue the officer for touching them. This irritates me to no end. There should be less police on the roads, including traffic wardens, but they should also be given more powers. A police officer should have the power to go up to a rioter grab him and throw him into a riot van to be arrested.

The nation that sues.

If a police officer did that today Health and Safety would go mad and he would most likely get sued by the rioter and possibly fired. This is ridiculous. We sue too much. If a burglar comes into your home to steal your television and trips on your carpet and breaks his neck, he will come out better than you. He may get charged for attempted burglary or breaking and entering. But will get let off for pleading guilty so that he can then go on and sue you because he now has a broken neck and can't go to work any more. Seriously? This is the nation we now live in. It is a disgrace.
*update* 23/07/2011 a man was let off after stabbing and killing a burglar. Four men entered his house, one with a machete, and he tried to defend himself. The judge said due to the 'defensive' and 'frightening' circumstances the man was allowed to walk free. Thank God there is some sense in the world today.
People sue companies for thousands. There is a note up in my work about a 'Ten Thousand Pound Grape' because a women slipped on a grape and sued a shop somewhere. She was off work for a week because of a sprained ankle so lost a weeks wages. Which she ended up getting half of anyway because she was off on the sick. Yet she still has the ability to get all this money for no reason. In this situation the women should have got the money she would have earned if she was working normally and nothing else. If this is common practice people could earn millions by slipping in shopping centres and supermarkets. What a job that would be!

Free money for all.

People who get money for doing nothing annoy me. 'The Dole' annoys me. People get all this money for not having a job and sitting about the house watching, and frequently appearing on, the likes of 'Jeremey Kyle'. Then get even more money for popping out babies left right and centre. This needs to be stopped. People should only get benefits if they are seen to be out actively searching for a job or currently in a job which does not pay. Child Benefits should not be given to families where both parents are unemployed. If they cannot afford to raise the child they should not of had it in the first place. In my opinion that is bad parenting and the child should go into care where it would most likely have a better life anyway. People need to get off their sofa and go out and get a job.

But all the Foreign people have the jobs.

This may be true but a fluent speaker of the English Language with minimal GCSE grades would be a better candidate for any job than an Immigrant who can barely speak English and has no qualifications. Well that is they way it should be anyway. How can a person come into the United Kingdom, and live and work without basic qualifications? How is that someone who can't even speak English can get a job in Customer Relations when people born in this country where turned down because they got a D in English GCSE but can still speak and understand English well enough. This is a disgrace. Restrictions to this country need to be much stronger. People who want to live in this country need to be able to have a C or above in English and Maths GCSE's. After all that is the norm for the rest of us. Equality my backside.

We are all for Equal Rights.

I am sick of Equal Rights. What is wrong with the best person for the job. Companies get slandered all the time because they have no Women in powerful positions or because they do not have enough diversity in the company. So hire/promote people who are not suitable for the job. The reason because there is a White Male CEO is not because the company is racist and sexist, it is because he was the best man for the job. Equality and 'Political Correctness' has gone too far in this country. It really needs to be sorted out. We are turning into America with 'quota' based systems.

Now lets not even get me started on Europe, Foreign Aid, Socialists, NHS, Gays, Religion or anything or you will be reading for a good hour.
This country needs to pushed back in 'right' direction. (and yes that was Conservative pun)

Unionism is nationalism NOT Nationalism

This may come as a big shock to everyone, but I am, in fact, a nationalist.

There are two forms of nationalism in Northern Ireland, Republicanism and Loyalism. Both are different forms of nationalism; while Republicanism is nationalistic towards Ireland, Loyalism is nationalistic towards the United Kingdom.

These two phrases 'Nationalist' and 'Unionist' in my opinion are very out-dated. They no longer mean what they used to and it could be argued that they are used the wrong way round. A Nationalist is actually a Unionist and Unionist is actually a Nationalist. This brings me back to me first stating that I was a nationalist. In today's society 'Nationalists' are fighting for a union once again between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland while 'Unionists' are fighting to stay part of the nation which is United Kingdom. Yes during the early part of the twentieth century these terms where used to a different effect and worked back then, but now I feel as if they are no longer terms which are useful in the twenty first century. People fail to see the difference in Nationalism and nationalism and this is where the confusion lies.

Of course what I just wrote could be debated in a completely different arguing that 'Unionists' are fighting for the continuing union of the United Kingdom, however I feel it is interesting to think that both phrases actually work for both parties.

Benedict Anderson argues that 'the nation' is this 'imagined community'. I feel that I have to disagree with him as if a nation is imagined, then it does not exist and then therefore there is nothing to be proud of. I am British. If my nationality is towards this 'imagined community' then where does that leave me? Can I be part of more than one community? Can I imagine my own community?

I suppose though this is true in Sinn Fein's form of Nationalism. They believe in an imagined 'United Ireland' This imagined community is more of a geographical rather than political doctrine as it not official due to Northern Ireland officially being a part of the United Kingdom. It is also imagined in the sense that we do not know all of those in our community and will never meet them. No matter this community does exist whether imagined or not. This community is due to an official Nation pre 1921.

It is hard to not be biased in this blog but I know I am being it. Personally I dislike the fact that the people of Northern Ireland can have dual-nationality and have both a British and Irish passport. People constantly try to claim that I have this opinion because I am a 'Unionist' however this is not the case. In my mind you cannot have two nationalities. If nationalists believe that the nation is the central principle of political organisation, then you cannot have two nationalities. It would be impossible to carry out the laws of both political establishments and there would always have to be one, which in your mind, carried more political sovereignty. The problem with having an Irish Passport and a British Passport is that you can now be conscripted by either army, but what happens if the two countries went to war, which side would you pick? I just feel that too many complications arise from having dual-nationality.

An opinion that I have, even if it is rather harsh, is if you don't like it then pack up and move. If people in Northern Ireland want to be part of Ireland why don't they just move there? To me it makes more sense than having this tension between the two communities. It all comes down to the fact that, Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom whether they like it or not. But do not get me wrong, if a referendum was held and the people voted for a United Ireland, there is nothing I could do about it as the majority of the people would have voted for it. But today, a majority of the people do not want it.

If a United Ireland happened, I would have two options. Take pride in my new Irish Nationality, or pack up and move to the United Kingdom. To be perfectly honest right now I am not sure what I would do. I am not a 'Unionist' because of my family, or my religion, but because of my great pride of being part of the United Kingdom but mainly because that is what is FACT. But if this fact changed and I now did live in Ireland, I may just embrace my Irish-ness and become Irish. However I am possibly swayed more towards moving to the United Kingdom, simply because it means I would be able to vote for Jedward in 2012 Eurovision as it is possible they will be representing them again.

One Year Anniversary!

Happy One Year Out Of The Closet!

Well we celebrate coming out of a womb (ewww) so I just thought I would celebrate coming out of the closet! It really doesn't feel like it has been a year since the car crash, but then again it seems like over a year ago. The past year has been a complete change in lifestyle for me, not only because I am 'out' and don't have to hide who I am any more, but I moved to Scotland and lived by myself for a year at uni. Living away from home really gave me a chance to learn more about myself and actually be who I am with out having to hide it from my parents. I dunno it was just nice to go on dates and have guys round without making up a million excuses to my family as to where I was going and who I was with. Once I came out I never had the best relationship with my family.

At first I blamed them and said it was all there fault. I blamed them for me having to always lie to them. I blamed them for never telling them. I blamed them for hating them so much. Over the past year I have realised that, no, it wasn't all their fault. I was a horrible son to them. I always started arguments, I never let them into my life and I tried to shift any blame to them. Now I think my mum and I have realised that we have both made mistakes and both where to blame at times. The relationship with my mother is better now and I am so thankful for that.


26th June 2010

I had been going out with my boyfriend for one month. So we decided to go for a drive up the mountains and go for a walk. Of course I had told my mother I was only 5 minutes down the road at my friends house. Well anyway we got the mountain and it was kind of boring so decided we wanted to do something else. Both being as indecisive as the other we decided to play Rock Scissors Paper to see what we would do. After 'A drive to Newcastle' won, my boyfriend said "It was Fate" and away we went.

So anyway off we went on our drive. It was the Lisburn Fun Run so I couldn't go back into the town to go that way so I had to take a different route. I had never drove down that road before so was a bit cautious when I was driving. After all how could I explain a car crash in the middle of nowhere with a boy my mother had never heard about when I supposed to be 5 minutes down the road at a friends? Eventually we got onto the road I originally wanted to be on so I was a wee bit more confident and kept on driving.

We stopped off at a Garage half way there. This is the 'infamous' garage I always made my family stop off at because it made the most amazing ice cream ever. I don't think we got ice cream I can't really remember but we got something to snack on anyway. We stayed in the car for a bit while we ate and then off we went again.

After this stop there are few very large 'S bends' in the road, it was round the last that the crash happened. It is still a bit of a blur to me all I can remember is that I lost control of the car (possibly from hitting a pothole) mounted the curb and slid down the grass.

Great I had crashed my mothers car, for the second time in two weeks, a half an hour drive away from home, when I was supposed to be 5 minutes away, with my boyfriend, when my mother never even knew I was gay. I had NO idea how to get out of this one.

The two left wheels where completely wrecked, they where slashed on impact with the curb, there was no way I was getting that car home. I remember bursting into tears, the only thing I could was phone my mum and tell her everything. So I did. The only thing I remember from that conversation was my mum saying 'you are fucking where?' when I told her where I was and 'you are with fucking who?' when I told her I was with my boyfriend. I cried for a good ten minutes not knowing what was going to happen. The only thing I could think of doing was phoning my assistant head of year and telling her what happened. She calmed me down and made sure that I knew everything was going to be all right. She later told me that she had been drinking that night but was about to phone a taxi to come and get me. I love her so much, she really was the rock that I needed during everything.

So then the family arrived, mum, dad and sister. As soon as my mum saw she began screaming and I began crying. My dad never spoke to me. While my sister just gave me a look that said 'you have really done it this time'. I hated every second of that night it is mostly a blur right now I just remember a lot of screaming and a lot of crying. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that my teacher was on the other end of the phone and that my boyfriend was by my side holding my hand.

He did a lot for me that night without even knowing it. I know it sounds silly but if he wasn't there things would have been so different. I don't mean it wouldn't have happened. I mean if I didn't have his support I don't know what I would have done.

The car journey home was horrible. Half an hour of complete silence. No radio, not nothing. I tried so hard not to cry. I folded my arms so I could grab hold of my boyfriends hand without my mother noticing. Once we got home my sister brought him home and I went to have a conversation with my mum and dad.

I am not sure what angered them more. The fact that I was gay, the fact I was gay but never told them, or the fact that for the past few months I had lied to them every week about where I was going and who I was seeing.

Two days later I had my first Politics A-level. Two days after that I had my last exam. My friend dropped me off home after a McDonalds lunch, I got in got changed went outside into the sun with my laptop and a bottle of WKD to celebrate the end of my High School Life. I signed onto msn and up popped my boyfriend on chat. "I don't think we should go out any more" My heart sank. I literally went from the top of the world to nothing. We argued over msn and then I just burst into tears and rang my friend. She came back and looked after me.

At the time I needed him the most he deserted me, to be honest I don't think I will ever forgive him for that. We still speak, occasionally, but always end up arguing over something and don't speak for a few months. The next few weeks where the worst I had ever experienced. Not only had I lost a boyfriend, but I had lost the trust of my family. This is when the hate began. This is where it all went wrong.

Looking back I could have handled the whole situation better. But I suppose the whole experience has made me grow as a person. In a way I am kind of lucky. I now have a better relationship with my family and have a more mature few point in things.

My coming out story is a little bit different than your usual story. I guess nothing can ever be normal with me...

One thing my boyfriend said was true though... it was fate after all...