So Lent is upon us, many of my friends are giving up crisps, sweets and alcohol, there also things they haven't given up which they probably should have, but that is not my place to say. So I thought to myself, what can I give up for Lent? Many Christians celebrate lent by giving up certain luxuries and by practising self discipline, they use the spare time created to fill their lives with more productive things. So I thought to myself what is there in my life that is taking up a lot of my time that I could other wise be using productively. The answer of course was Twitter.
I am going to give up Twitter for Lent
This is going to be one of the hardest things in my life! That is rather pathetic to say, but I really think it will be. But I am going to spend the time I would have otherwise used to be on Twitter to fill it with uni work and other things that are productive. I know my time spent on Facebook and Tumblr will increase to compensate not being on Twitter but I do believe my overall time spent online will decrease.
My life is more than 140 characters... it is time to start living my life to my full potential and start working towards to future that I want to have.
Tuesday, 21 February 2012
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
The Nathan Dickson Rule
Call up the man you like and ask him on a date. Did he say yes? Great, he probably likes you. What if he makes up an excuse for why he can’t go out? This is the time to employ the Nathan Dickson Rule.
Imagine that instead of you, Nathan Dickson had asked this same man out. Would he use the same excuse with him? If Nathan Dickson asked him on a date, would he still say he had to study or was going to the movies with friends that night? Nope. He would have dropped pretty much anything and everything to be able to accept a date with Nathan.
Now you’re not Dickson obviously. But if a man is interested in you, he will drop his other plans to be available to go out with you.
Of course there are exceptions; the man may have a legitimate reason he cannot make the date. Perhaps he has to work or go to a funeral. But, and here is the real clincher, he will suggest a different time for the date. He will say something along the lines of “I can’t do it Saturday night, do you want to hang out next weekend?”
If he makes up an excuse and he does not suggest an alternative plan, you have been shut out. He is not interested. Do not ask him out again. Doing so will only result in awkwardness and you feeling like a tool.
But don’t worry; he probably isn’t as cool as you thought he was since he doesn’t appreciate your charms. Start pursuing another man who will.
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
Living on Your Own
With the job that I have at university I get a rent free flat instead of getting paid, which for a student is fantastic. It is a huge weight off my mind and less worry about how much money is coming out of my account every month. The one downside is that I live in this flat alone.
My job is an 'Accommodation Liaison Student', basically I am there as a sort of welfare and discipline student for first year students. I do 2-3 nights a week and get every 4th week off, so the workload isn't too bad. There are four first year accommodations on my University campus and there are 4 ALS's in every building. So me and three others work in my building, each of us having our own flat. As a group of 16 we all get on reasonably well and am very god friends with a few of them, I also have my friends who I know from my first year of uni and then new friends I have made this year. So I am never alone, I always have friends to go and hang out with, but, living on my own can get awfully lonely.
As I said I do have friends who I go out and hang out with so I am not alone, I am just lonely. All my life I have lived with someone; up until I was 18 I lived with my Mum my Dad and my sister and then when I was in my first year of university I shared kitchen and bathroom spaces with 17 other people, but now there is just me. It is weird waking up to an empty flat and coming home at night to an empty flat and something to this day I still find hard to cope with.
I go out and see my friends when we are all free, but sometimes I have uni work or they have uni work and having friends who have similar work patterns to you it is hard to find a day when a few of us are free to just chill or go out and have a drink. Before Christmas I don't think I tried as hard as I probably should have done to see everyone when I could have but that was my own fault really. So when I go back to uni I am going to try and follow these tips on how to live on my own successfully.
Top Tips on How to Live on Your Own
My job is an 'Accommodation Liaison Student', basically I am there as a sort of welfare and discipline student for first year students. I do 2-3 nights a week and get every 4th week off, so the workload isn't too bad. There are four first year accommodations on my University campus and there are 4 ALS's in every building. So me and three others work in my building, each of us having our own flat. As a group of 16 we all get on reasonably well and am very god friends with a few of them, I also have my friends who I know from my first year of uni and then new friends I have made this year. So I am never alone, I always have friends to go and hang out with, but, living on my own can get awfully lonely.
As I said I do have friends who I go out and hang out with so I am not alone, I am just lonely. All my life I have lived with someone; up until I was 18 I lived with my Mum my Dad and my sister and then when I was in my first year of university I shared kitchen and bathroom spaces with 17 other people, but now there is just me. It is weird waking up to an empty flat and coming home at night to an empty flat and something to this day I still find hard to cope with.
I go out and see my friends when we are all free, but sometimes I have uni work or they have uni work and having friends who have similar work patterns to you it is hard to find a day when a few of us are free to just chill or go out and have a drink. Before Christmas I don't think I tried as hard as I probably should have done to see everyone when I could have but that was my own fault really. So when I go back to uni I am going to try and follow these tips on how to live on my own successfully.
Top Tips on How to Live on Your Own
- Food
Shopping for food was something it took me a while to get used to, as I was used to buying food that I could share with other people that I was living with and at the start of the year I was throwing away a lot of food. But what I found is that if I specifically buy more food than needed, I can make my meals and freeze them for use another night. If it suits you then have the same meal every day for a week and if you don't want to do that have the same 4/5 meals over the space of a few weeks and spread them all in. Buying in bulk can help to cut the costs and doing this will help to cut down on your weekly shopping bill. - Keep Yourself Busy
Always try to have something planned for everyday. If you have a plan of what you want to do that day you can just get about doing it. Even if your plan is to have a lazy day in your PJ's and do nothing that is what you planned to do that day and you don't feel like you are wasting your day. Try to plan days or nights out with people in advance so if you do unexpectantly have nothing to do one day you have something to look forward to that night. Or if you do find you have nothing to do do not be afraid to call up and see if anyone else is free to have a casual drink or watch a movie. - Don't Watch TV During the Day
One of the things I hated most about living on my own is when you wake up, or come home from seeing friends I was always alone in my flat with nothing to do. But if you can get your favourite television series 'on demand' wait until those nights you come home with nothing to do and watch them then. If you are sticking to Tip 2 and you are keeping yourself busy then you will be grateful to have something to do late at night when everyone has gone home and you are in your flat alone or you have just woken up and are waiting to go to class or work. - Take Yourself off Somewhere New
If you want to spend the day relaxing by reading a book or if you have some work to do for your class or exams to revise for, leave your flat and do it elsewhere. Go to the library to study or down to the pub and have a drink and read but just try to get out of your flat. Living alone can get frustrating with having nothing but those same four walls to look at, but getting a change of scenery can be a great help, more than you realise. Being somewhere different can keep you away from feeling like you are trapped and alone and can actually relax you. - Yes All That Mess is Yours
I never realised how messy I could actually be until I lived on my own. Living with other people you can often rely on someone else to wash up that breakfast bowl you forgot about or replace the toilet roll that is nearly running out. Living on your own you have to do everything yourself, do not leave it all until the last minute. Take a day every week, for me it is a Friday, and make that your cleaning day. Go about the flat, dust it, hoover it, tidy it all up, do your laundry and make sure you are not running out of toilet roll and toothpaste. This day is also a good day to do a small weekly shop of anything you are running out of and will save a huge bill when you do your 'Big Shop'
Sunday, 8 January 2012
The Art of Arguing
I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.- Thatcher
Anybody who knows me at all will know that I love a good argument. Arguing is what I do best, quite frankly I can make an argument out of anything. I have very 'different' opinions than everyone else and not a lot of people agree with me. THIS is what I love about Twitter, is that I can interact with lots of different people who don't agree with me. It gets my juices flowing, gets me going for a good argument.
I think an 'argument' is the wrong word here, a 'healthy debate' is what I am really looking for. I love sitting down and just bashing out a debate with someone then at the end of it agreeing to disagree and move on, end of. What really bugs me though is when people just take it too far and start to make it all personal. That I suppose is where it becomes an argument. That for me is when I lose respect in people.
My understanding in the situation is that you will never find anyone who will agree with you 100% and when you do ,you should try and not let them get into your life. I have been friends with people and any time we ever discussed politics and either of us made a point the other would reply with 'oh yes I totally agree'. To me that is a crap conversation, I got easily bored of this person and we are no longer friends, not because we don't like each other, simply because we had far too much in common and it got boring.
It is true what they say 'differences attract'. My twitter following is an example of that, my timeline is filled with Labour supporters and sure most of their tweets make me scream at how wrong I think they are, but that is the fun of it. In my mind if you are going to have the strongest possible argument you need to know what the oppositions argument is so you know how to counter it. For this simple reason I read The Guardian and The Independent. I am Right Wing and find if I sit and read the Telegraph I just sit there reading it going ''you don't say'' and it bores me. I like to read something that challenges my opinion, makes me think differently to what I believe and by the end of the day strengthen my own views.
Anyone who has ever argued me will try and deny this, but I love losing a debate. When I lose a debate, I can see that my argument isn't strong enough. It is usually unlikely that my view has completely changed, so what I do is look at the arguments that trumped me and see if I can break them down and find a counter-argument to them. If I believe in something I want to try and convince others so I obviously like to have a strong argument.
Some of my 'rules' I like to follow when having a debate with someone:
- This is not a personal debate, so do not make it into one.
- Just because this persons disagrees with me does NOT mean that I will dislike them personally.
- Don't force an opinion change, simply put forward another point of view.
- NEVER tell them they are wrong.
- When you have been defeated, admit defeat.
- Do not make fun of or slate someone's opinion, they have that opinion for a reason.
- Do not make your arguments into personal attacks.
- If they make their arguments into personal attacks, end the debate otherwise it will get heated and turn into a bloodbath. (Even if it means they think they have won, let them)
Politics, and life in general is all about opinion. Nobody is right or wrong. We all just have different opinions. I am a firm believer in that there should be periods of short 5 year governments to keep the country in a stable position.I may be a right wing Tory but I know that sometimes Labour policies are what is needed to get something done. For example I do not agree pensioners having free bus / rail travel, however I understand that it is a very positive policy.
Just because you don't agree with an opinion, it does not mean you should not respect it and the person who holds it. That doesn't mean you shouldn't discuss other alternative opinions, it just means you shouldn't force your opinion on them or tell them they are wrong. It is pretty simple really!
Friday, 6 January 2012
Margaret Thatcher: The Gay Icon
Whoever would have thought that such a right wing conservative Prime Minister could become one of the biggest 'Gay Icons' in my life? Well she has. Sure Thatchers government was known for putting one the worst anti-homosexual bills through parliament in 1988, Section 28 (which nobody was ever actually prosecuted under might I add), but she has become one of the biggest political role models in my life and quite simply I adore her. To fuel fire towards my love for Thatcher the one and only Meryl Streep has portrayed her in The Iron Lady which I believe will only make Thatcher even more of a Gay Icon.
It may seem to some people that a gay loving Thatcher is like a turkey loving Christmas. However in my mind other gay icons, such as Adele, Lady Gaga and Beyonce all have one thing in common, which is a 'stick it to the man, I am a strong women who won't let no man walk over me' type of attitude which attracts them to becoming these gay icons. Thatcher is the epitome of this on the political stage, I am sorry but 'The lady is not for turning' could not be any more evident of this. Thatcher just explodes with the sense that she is there, she is going to do what she wants to do and she will not let any other man in the House of Commons tell her otherwise. This for me is the sole reason why she is, and forever should be, a gay icon.
To be any form of icon you need to be able to create yourself out of yourself put on your best smile no matter the occasion and let nobody put you in the corner and this is one thing Thatcher knew how to do. Like other gay icons she does nothing but emasculate the men around her making them whimper and fear in her presence. Thatchers power comes from her sense of dominance, not only within her own cabinet but the whole of the political spectrum. In comparison to John Major (her successor) she stands bright and strong above him, giving this sense of her towering above the rest looking down on them in this glow of excellence. This control and power over men most likely is that which attracts Lady Thatcher into becoming the icon she is.
In contrast to the many dull, old and boring male MPs (and that of the female MPs who looked like the dressed in the dark), Thatcher towered over them with, her eloquence, her femininity, the fact that she set out to achieve what she desired with nothing but raw determination and not to mention her fashion all set her up to be this powerful icon. Her fashion sense was and still is pure camp; with her wardrobe filled with colour, pearls, brooches and hats, any fashion conscience person could see what attracts the gays to her. With her it seems every day is a wedding, that she knows the magic of hairspray and has a wardrobe to rival the Queen herself. With lines like 'the pearls are absolutely non-negotiable' coming from The Iron Lady how can it be said that Thatcher herself is not being portrayed as 'camp' herself.
Sure enough I love Thatcher not only because of this but because of her style of leadership, her complete and utter confidence in herself, her never surrendering approach and also and quite importantly her polices as well. Thatcher may be one of the most hated politicians around, but she is arguably one of the most loved as well. Thatcher is quite like Marmite you either love her or hate, this usually stemming from the fact that she either f**ked over your family or made your life better. Either way I adore her and sure her policies may have been classed as harsh but I stand firmly in my belief that we look at Thatcher too much in hindsight and that she was what was needed at the time.
It may seem to some people that a gay loving Thatcher is like a turkey loving Christmas. However in my mind other gay icons, such as Adele, Lady Gaga and Beyonce all have one thing in common, which is a 'stick it to the man, I am a strong women who won't let no man walk over me' type of attitude which attracts them to becoming these gay icons. Thatcher is the epitome of this on the political stage, I am sorry but 'The lady is not for turning' could not be any more evident of this. Thatcher just explodes with the sense that she is there, she is going to do what she wants to do and she will not let any other man in the House of Commons tell her otherwise. This for me is the sole reason why she is, and forever should be, a gay icon.
To be any form of icon you need to be able to create yourself out of yourself put on your best smile no matter the occasion and let nobody put you in the corner and this is one thing Thatcher knew how to do. Like other gay icons she does nothing but emasculate the men around her making them whimper and fear in her presence. Thatchers power comes from her sense of dominance, not only within her own cabinet but the whole of the political spectrum. In comparison to John Major (her successor) she stands bright and strong above him, giving this sense of her towering above the rest looking down on them in this glow of excellence. This control and power over men most likely is that which attracts Lady Thatcher into becoming the icon she is.
In contrast to the many dull, old and boring male MPs (and that of the female MPs who looked like the dressed in the dark), Thatcher towered over them with, her eloquence, her femininity, the fact that she set out to achieve what she desired with nothing but raw determination and not to mention her fashion all set her up to be this powerful icon. Her fashion sense was and still is pure camp; with her wardrobe filled with colour, pearls, brooches and hats, any fashion conscience person could see what attracts the gays to her. With her it seems every day is a wedding, that she knows the magic of hairspray and has a wardrobe to rival the Queen herself. With lines like 'the pearls are absolutely non-negotiable' coming from The Iron Lady how can it be said that Thatcher herself is not being portrayed as 'camp' herself.
Sure enough I love Thatcher not only because of this but because of her style of leadership, her complete and utter confidence in herself, her never surrendering approach and also and quite importantly her polices as well. Thatcher may be one of the most hated politicians around, but she is arguably one of the most loved as well. Thatcher is quite like Marmite you either love her or hate, this usually stemming from the fact that she either f**ked over your family or made your life better. Either way I adore her and sure her policies may have been classed as harsh but I stand firmly in my belief that we look at Thatcher too much in hindsight and that she was what was needed at the time.
"If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing."
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Homophobia
I have been incredibly lucky in that in my life since coming out; I have never experienced any form of personal homophobic abuse. Sure I have had snide comments made, but they have never been direct and they have never been anything too serious other than the traditional 'religious' side of it. That was until today, and what surprised me most was that it came from someone who I thought was a very good friend of mine.
I went out with my sister and our mutual friend, who for the purpose of this blog shall be called Sarah. Now Sarah and I have been good friends for many years, I know and get on with her mother very well, in fact I used to spend time sitting in with her mum when Sarah wasn't there and I know her family well. We went out and had a very enjoyable day. The day was turning out to be a very enjoyable day especially seeing as I was not looking forward to it in the first place, for financial reasons. So before we went to the cinema that night we stopped in McDonalds where the laughs and jokes continued.
My sister has been in a relationship with a guy for a while now and I constantly joke about her getting married and having children and basically planning out her whole life for her. I told her she isn't allowed to have a child until she is married and that I would want our children to be about the same age so they can be good friends as cousins. This is what the conversation went like after:
Sarah: 'You want what?'
Me: 'Our children to be the same age so they can grow up together'
Sarah: 'What do you mean?'
Me: 'Well I want to adopt so Kylie's (my sister) child has to be born after she is married so it gives me enough time to find someone to adopt with.
Sarah: 'Well honestly I would rather have Kylie have a child before marriage than have someone like you adopt'
Me: '..... sorry what?'
Sarah: 'Well I just don't think people like you should be allowed to adopt'
Well I wanted to scream, cry and slap her all at the same time! I just couldn't believe what I had just heard and even though I love to cause a scene I just was not in the mood so I just sat there in silence. I constantly got snide comments from my sister and her about how I was in a 'huff' etc. I still just sat there and shrugged. We where supposed to go to the cinema, but the film was sold out so I just said I wanted to go home. They brought me home and drove away. I didn't want to get my parents involved so I never said anything and just let it all slide. When I went up to my room it took every ounce of strength not to cry.
About 20 minutes later I got a BBM saying 'Why you always go on wee huffs when I'm with yous! You just ruined a good wee day'. Again it took everything I had not to bitch back at her but it wasn't worth it so I just dropped it. Until my sister came home. She stormed into my room claiming I ruined the whole day and I didn't have to go into a mood about everything. That was the final straw. I stood up and started screaming at her telling her how dare she side with her and that I was her own brother. She tried to fight her corner but I just slamed my door and started to cry.
My mother and father came upstairs at this point. Well my parents never really had a good relationship with me since I came out and I didn't know what was to happen next. But my mother sat with me and let me cry. Then she went to my sister and started fighting my corner which made me cry even more, this time with happiness. She said Sarah's name wasn't to be spoken in this house again, my sister was free to be friends with her or whatever but she was no longer welcome in this house and will have nothing more to do with her.
I was so proud of my mother. All I could muster to her was a mouthed 'Thank You' after it all.
The thing was if it had have been anyone else I wouldn't have cared. I also don't care if any of my friends have the same opinions but they have no need to voice them and neither did she. I don't agree with some of my friends life choices but I stick by them and support them because that is what friends do. To me it is simple, if the choice that friend makes does not effect your friendship in anyway then there is no need to voice negative opinion. Sarah could have spent the rest of her life disagreeing with my choice of adoption but as long as she supported me when I needed it I honestly would not have cared.
To me homophobia is not the problem. The problem is when a friend decides that you have become a different person because of your sexuality. It is when they decide in their heads that your personality has changed or your humour or your friendship. That is the problem. I have number of friends who I know are uncomfortable and in some cases have a problem with my sexuality, but they don't voice it to me and tell me I should change or that they disapprove of me and in fact some of them are very close friends to me. Sexuality should not effect friendship, just like the colour of your skin, the colour of your hair, your weight, your looks, your shoe size or even if your disabled. It is the person inside that defines friendship. When it comes to me homophobia only becomes a problem when other people make it into a problem.
Whether you are gay, straight, black, white, disabled, ginger or anything that makes you 'different' I will not judge our friendship on that, I will judge it on who you are inside. Is that not the way it is supposed to be?
I went out with my sister and our mutual friend, who for the purpose of this blog shall be called Sarah. Now Sarah and I have been good friends for many years, I know and get on with her mother very well, in fact I used to spend time sitting in with her mum when Sarah wasn't there and I know her family well. We went out and had a very enjoyable day. The day was turning out to be a very enjoyable day especially seeing as I was not looking forward to it in the first place, for financial reasons. So before we went to the cinema that night we stopped in McDonalds where the laughs and jokes continued.
My sister has been in a relationship with a guy for a while now and I constantly joke about her getting married and having children and basically planning out her whole life for her. I told her she isn't allowed to have a child until she is married and that I would want our children to be about the same age so they can be good friends as cousins. This is what the conversation went like after:
Sarah: 'You want what?'
Me: 'Our children to be the same age so they can grow up together'
Sarah: 'What do you mean?'
Me: 'Well I want to adopt so Kylie's (my sister) child has to be born after she is married so it gives me enough time to find someone to adopt with.
Sarah: 'Well honestly I would rather have Kylie have a child before marriage than have someone like you adopt'
Me: '..... sorry what?'
Sarah: 'Well I just don't think people like you should be allowed to adopt'
Well I wanted to scream, cry and slap her all at the same time! I just couldn't believe what I had just heard and even though I love to cause a scene I just was not in the mood so I just sat there in silence. I constantly got snide comments from my sister and her about how I was in a 'huff' etc. I still just sat there and shrugged. We where supposed to go to the cinema, but the film was sold out so I just said I wanted to go home. They brought me home and drove away. I didn't want to get my parents involved so I never said anything and just let it all slide. When I went up to my room it took every ounce of strength not to cry.
About 20 minutes later I got a BBM saying 'Why you always go on wee huffs when I'm with yous! You just ruined a good wee day'. Again it took everything I had not to bitch back at her but it wasn't worth it so I just dropped it. Until my sister came home. She stormed into my room claiming I ruined the whole day and I didn't have to go into a mood about everything. That was the final straw. I stood up and started screaming at her telling her how dare she side with her and that I was her own brother. She tried to fight her corner but I just slamed my door and started to cry.
My mother and father came upstairs at this point. Well my parents never really had a good relationship with me since I came out and I didn't know what was to happen next. But my mother sat with me and let me cry. Then she went to my sister and started fighting my corner which made me cry even more, this time with happiness. She said Sarah's name wasn't to be spoken in this house again, my sister was free to be friends with her or whatever but she was no longer welcome in this house and will have nothing more to do with her.
I was so proud of my mother. All I could muster to her was a mouthed 'Thank You' after it all.
The thing was if it had have been anyone else I wouldn't have cared. I also don't care if any of my friends have the same opinions but they have no need to voice them and neither did she. I don't agree with some of my friends life choices but I stick by them and support them because that is what friends do. To me it is simple, if the choice that friend makes does not effect your friendship in anyway then there is no need to voice negative opinion. Sarah could have spent the rest of her life disagreeing with my choice of adoption but as long as she supported me when I needed it I honestly would not have cared.
To me homophobia is not the problem. The problem is when a friend decides that you have become a different person because of your sexuality. It is when they decide in their heads that your personality has changed or your humour or your friendship. That is the problem. I have number of friends who I know are uncomfortable and in some cases have a problem with my sexuality, but they don't voice it to me and tell me I should change or that they disapprove of me and in fact some of them are very close friends to me. Sexuality should not effect friendship, just like the colour of your skin, the colour of your hair, your weight, your looks, your shoe size or even if your disabled. It is the person inside that defines friendship. When it comes to me homophobia only becomes a problem when other people make it into a problem.
Whether you are gay, straight, black, white, disabled, ginger or anything that makes you 'different' I will not judge our friendship on that, I will judge it on who you are inside. Is that not the way it is supposed to be?
Saturday, 31 December 2011
2012
So 2011 is coming to a close and 2012 is slowly creeping towards us. There are many, many speculations as to what 2012 will bring us, and I am sure many changes will happen whether they be world changes or more likely, personal changes. I do not believe in any form of 'Rapture', and that we shall live life as normal and by 2013 another rapture date will be set for us all to fear about. The only thing I fear is a Dalek breaking free in the salt plains of Utah and planning to kill everything on Earth, for me that is more likely than a religious war between good and evil.
(If you get the reference then I love you)
On Christmas Day I got a 2012 diary from Santa and it made me think, what have I got planned for 2012? What do I hope to achieve by the end of the year? Honestly, I didn't think I could answer either of those. I sat down later that day to fill dates into my diary, which I must say I have a great love of doing, and I wrote very little in it in fact I only wrote three things in it. Looking at what I did write, it makes me think about what I might hope and plan to actually achieve in 2012.
Relationships.
I will admit that I noted down what I hope to be the year anniversary between me and my boyfriend. I have never been in a relationship that has lasted anywhere near a year but this one I hope lasts the year and beyond. I think me writing that there confirms the fact that I believe that it actually might, and I sincerely hope that it does.
I always worry about growing old alone. Not just being single, but being truly alone and having nobody. I have felt it more these past few months than ever before. In regards to my job I get a flat paid for me, so I live rent free. However this flat is where I live. Alone. I have plenty of friends who I go out and socialise with and hang out with, but when I wake up in the morning and when I come home at night I feel more alone than I have ever felt before.
All my life I lived with my family, knowing that throughout the day I would have contact with them. Then when I moved to university I shared a living environment with 18 people, which made it impossible to ever be left alone. But now there is only me. When I am in my flat by myself I feel lost, trapped, alone. I miss that constant physical contact with another human being. I guess what I want and need out of 2012 is to keep the relationships I have, and strengthen and grow the ones that are just beginning.
Stirling.
The second thing I noted in my diary was 'Going back Home'. I noticed after I marked the date that I never wrote 'Stirling' or 'University', I wrote 'Home'. I guess this is true, Stirling is my home now. I spend most of the year in Scotland and will be spending around 9 months of 2012 there, so why shouldn't it be my home now. They always say 'home is where the heart is' and my heart is truly in Stirling. I no longer see Northern Ireland as home any more, this is where I was born, Lisburn is my home town but not my home.
When I come home I want nothing more than to get back to Stirling, I hate being back home, especially under the rule of my mother. When I am in Stirling I am my own man, I am independent but while I am in Northern Ireland I hear the phrase 'while you are under my house you abide by my rules' far too often. I love my family and always will, but once you get a taste of independence and freedom you don't want to be caged up any more.
I have said to my parents that next Christmas I might only come home for Christmas week and be back in Stirling for New Years, who knows if that will happen but it is what I want. 2012 will see me moving further from my family and see the beginning and continuation of my own life, as my own man.
Growing Up.
The third and final thing I wrote in my diary is the one thing that frightens me about 2012 more than any Rapture ever could, my 20th birthday. After February I won't be a teenager any more and that scares the life out of me. I know it really is no difference but it just makes me realise that I am growing up and I am maturing. A friend said to me that since September she has seen me grow up and mature right before her very eyes. I laughed at her when she said it, but it is true and I can see it myself. I suppose that is something to be proud of.
But it makes me wonder, did I make the most of my teenage life? I know I am only turning 20 and have my whole life ahead of me, but do I have the same opportunities I might have missed out on? Have I really lived life to its fullest? Then I think to myself there is nothing stopping me from doing that now, and that no I haven't missed out on anything or wasted my teenage years. I have changed a great deal since I was 13, all for the better and surely that is what is more important. The final date in my diary scares me, but it also reminds me that there is always enough time to live life by the fullest and do what I want to do!
Writing this blog has made me realise that the one second that changes a minute to a new hour. an hour to a new day and a day to new year will not change one thing about me. 1st of January 2012 marks nothing more than a new day, a new calendar on the wall and the beginning of a few weeks of embarrassing yourself while you still write the year as 2011. Sure it may feel like a fresh start to some but to others it will be a fresh start because they are the ones who take every single say as a fresh start to do something good and to better their life. Sure these may be goals I have for 2012 but everyday will be filled with a fresh and ever changing goal as everyday shapes who I am and who I am becoming.
(If you get the reference then I love you)
On Christmas Day I got a 2012 diary from Santa and it made me think, what have I got planned for 2012? What do I hope to achieve by the end of the year? Honestly, I didn't think I could answer either of those. I sat down later that day to fill dates into my diary, which I must say I have a great love of doing, and I wrote very little in it in fact I only wrote three things in it. Looking at what I did write, it makes me think about what I might hope and plan to actually achieve in 2012.
Relationships.
I will admit that I noted down what I hope to be the year anniversary between me and my boyfriend. I have never been in a relationship that has lasted anywhere near a year but this one I hope lasts the year and beyond. I think me writing that there confirms the fact that I believe that it actually might, and I sincerely hope that it does.
I always worry about growing old alone. Not just being single, but being truly alone and having nobody. I have felt it more these past few months than ever before. In regards to my job I get a flat paid for me, so I live rent free. However this flat is where I live. Alone. I have plenty of friends who I go out and socialise with and hang out with, but when I wake up in the morning and when I come home at night I feel more alone than I have ever felt before.
All my life I lived with my family, knowing that throughout the day I would have contact with them. Then when I moved to university I shared a living environment with 18 people, which made it impossible to ever be left alone. But now there is only me. When I am in my flat by myself I feel lost, trapped, alone. I miss that constant physical contact with another human being. I guess what I want and need out of 2012 is to keep the relationships I have, and strengthen and grow the ones that are just beginning.
Stirling.
The second thing I noted in my diary was 'Going back Home'. I noticed after I marked the date that I never wrote 'Stirling' or 'University', I wrote 'Home'. I guess this is true, Stirling is my home now. I spend most of the year in Scotland and will be spending around 9 months of 2012 there, so why shouldn't it be my home now. They always say 'home is where the heart is' and my heart is truly in Stirling. I no longer see Northern Ireland as home any more, this is where I was born, Lisburn is my home town but not my home.
When I come home I want nothing more than to get back to Stirling, I hate being back home, especially under the rule of my mother. When I am in Stirling I am my own man, I am independent but while I am in Northern Ireland I hear the phrase 'while you are under my house you abide by my rules' far too often. I love my family and always will, but once you get a taste of independence and freedom you don't want to be caged up any more.
I have said to my parents that next Christmas I might only come home for Christmas week and be back in Stirling for New Years, who knows if that will happen but it is what I want. 2012 will see me moving further from my family and see the beginning and continuation of my own life, as my own man.
Growing Up.
The third and final thing I wrote in my diary is the one thing that frightens me about 2012 more than any Rapture ever could, my 20th birthday. After February I won't be a teenager any more and that scares the life out of me. I know it really is no difference but it just makes me realise that I am growing up and I am maturing. A friend said to me that since September she has seen me grow up and mature right before her very eyes. I laughed at her when she said it, but it is true and I can see it myself. I suppose that is something to be proud of.
But it makes me wonder, did I make the most of my teenage life? I know I am only turning 20 and have my whole life ahead of me, but do I have the same opportunities I might have missed out on? Have I really lived life to its fullest? Then I think to myself there is nothing stopping me from doing that now, and that no I haven't missed out on anything or wasted my teenage years. I have changed a great deal since I was 13, all for the better and surely that is what is more important. The final date in my diary scares me, but it also reminds me that there is always enough time to live life by the fullest and do what I want to do!
Writing this blog has made me realise that the one second that changes a minute to a new hour. an hour to a new day and a day to new year will not change one thing about me. 1st of January 2012 marks nothing more than a new day, a new calendar on the wall and the beginning of a few weeks of embarrassing yourself while you still write the year as 2011. Sure it may feel like a fresh start to some but to others it will be a fresh start because they are the ones who take every single say as a fresh start to do something good and to better their life. Sure these may be goals I have for 2012 but everyday will be filled with a fresh and ever changing goal as everyday shapes who I am and who I am becoming.
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