Thursday, 19 April 2012

LGBT: A (non existent) History

As an Historian who is also Gay I have no interest in ‘Gay History’ and I honesty do not care about it and doubt I ever will. There are many figures in history that I have great interest in, I like looking at how people reacted to them, what they did, how they did it, why they did it, and how their actions fit in to the bigger picture. I know some of these characters are at least bisexual and a few have homo-erotic rumours surrounding them but I do not really care about that because their sexuality never affected the course of history.
I know there have been some characters in history that have changed the course of events through their sexuality; however I still don’t understand how this would categorise under ‘Gay History’. To me History is about a number of different events happening through time which shape and mould the world we live in, with these events centred on common themes, people, countries and ideas. I fail to see a number of characters spanning thousands of years all transform into one solid timeline under the banner of ‘Gay History’.
Moving on to a more modern timeline and the battle for ‘Gay Rights’, this is a more consistent timeline, with common themes and ideas. It spans across all countries of the globe and includes people of all race and gender. So under my above definition of History this all fits in with a banner of ‘Gay History’. Well for everyone else it might do but for me it does not. Another thing which I believe makes History what it is, is the personal, emotional and physical contact with the events happening in the past. Growing up in Ireland I can appreciate Irish History as it affected my ancestors and the country which I was eventually born into. While I can also appreciate Russian History because I can see the rise and fall of different political ideologies and how they effected the world and not only shaped modern day Russia but also the world we all live in today. But I just do not have this same connection to ‘Gay Rights’.

Do not get me wrong, I appreciate that I live in a society where people in the past have fought to gain the freedoms I have to marry and to adopt and recognise that this fight is still raging on elsewhere in the world, but I do not feel connected to the characters who fought and are still fighting for it. Being gay means one thing to me; it means who I am going to fall in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with. End of. Being Irish does not affect my personality, my music taste, my voice, my political opinion, my fashion, my favourite colour, my favourite films, the books I like to read, or even what type of person I am. All of these things are to do with me, not my sexuality. So if my sexuality is something which defines nothing but the gender of the person I am going to fall in love with then why should feel connected to those who have these similar feelings?

The feel emotionally connected to anyone, I have to share the same sort of interests as them; what type of music we like, what political opinion we have, our favourite type of movies, and the list is endless because it is these types of things that form bonds, interests, friendships and even romances. Sexuality is not important to me in a person, and it shouldn’t matter to anyone. Once we stop labelling people on their sexuality and start seeing them for the person they really are, then, and only then, will we all truly be equal.
I have been to two meetings of my University’s LGBT society, the first one of my first year and the first one of my second year. I have gone down and talked to a few people and I have found that I do not have a single thing in common with any of them so I have never gone back. Why should a common sexuality form a friendship? It shouldn’t. If I have a common sexuality with someone then all we could talk about was what type of men we both fancied and comment on that and only that unless we had other common interests such as music, or literature or humour. Only then can emotional attachments begin to form between two people. The gay community have a huge issue with people saying to them ‘I have a friend who lives near me, he is gay, do you think you know him’ like there is some of ‘Gay Network’ like we are all connected because of our sexuality. In fact many gay people get really angry about this and claim it to be offensive, arrogant, and homophobic on the part of their friend.  Well this is exactly the same thing when it comes to ‘Gay History’ for me. Why should I know or care about people in the past because of a shared sexuality?
I can understand why people feel emotionally connected to individuals around the world who are fight for gay rights, but I don’t. Yes what they are doing might affect me in certain ways, but it will be affecting me as an individual not as part of a wider community. I am not part of a ‘Gay Community’ my sexuality does not make me a member of community spread throughout the entire globe just because all enjoy the sensation of having a penis in our ass. To be part of a community it needs to be much more than a shared physical pleasure it needs to be emotional. Yes we are all going to fall in love with the same gender, but that is a shared emotional feeling towards an individual not a community. I would say I am part of a ‘Conservative Community’. A community that has a shared belief in how the world should work and run and that is the emotional connection needed to create a community, a shared sense of beliefs.

If there was no more ‘equality laws’ passed in the United Kingdom I would die having lived my life to the fullest and would die a happy man. If more are passed then that is fine by me. I believe that I am an equal citizen under the eyes of British law. I am part of a wider scale British Community interested in British History (who just happens to also be gay).

I am not part of an LGBT Community, I have no interest in ‘Gay History’ and unless I have the same common thoughts and ideas about life as someone else then I will have no emotional connection to them. If I ever became the ‘First Gay Prime Minister of the United Kingdom’ I do not want it to go down in ‘Gay History’ because it will not be a breakthrough in equality I will just be another man living inside Number 10 Downing Street but this time with another man by my side. I do however hope that I do down in British History as one of the Greats who shaped this country for the better.

Sunday, 25 March 2012

Northern Ireland (Gay) Adoption Law

Northern Ireland is the only part of the United Kingdom that still prohibits gay families to adopt. I am sorry but this has to be some sort of joke or something right? Well sadly it isn't and to make it even better this decision has been made to 'ensure child welfare'. So obviously they are trying to claim that a child's welfare is in danger if it is adopted by a same sex couple.

Frequent readers of my blog will be well aware I am not one for campaigning 'gay rights' and am, in most cases, quite frankly against most of the campaigns put up by the LGBT society as a whole, but it is things like this that really boil my blood. The reason this in particular infuriates me is because it purposefully bans same sex couples to adopt. There is no basic equality. In terms of the marriage movement, there is basic equality as civil partnerships give you the same legal privileges as a traditional marriage, yet here there is no basic equality.

Again what infuriates me is the fact that the rest of the UK will allow adoption to same sex couples but Northern Ireland will not. I am a British Citizen. I expect to have the same rights as every other British Citizen so why don't I? Well basically Devolution is the answer and because of it I have to listen to some idiot religious people who like to pick at particular laws in the Bible. I can handle that my MP, the Rt Hon. Jeffrey Donaldson, has said to me that he will not stand up for my rights in Parliament, because I can trust the maturity and sanity of other MP's do this for me. However in Stormont who is their left to turn to? Politicians in Northern Ireland will always tend to favour the Bible and religion over popular opinion. Northern Ireland does not have a 'Left Wing' and 'Right Wing' of Politics it has a 'Religious Bird' with a 'Non-Religious Feather' because lets be honest the Alliance Party has no real sway in anything.

I fear that this is going to turn into a religious debate or a list of reasons why I believe Devolution should be revoked from Northern Ireland so I am going to have to real myself back in again.

It is argued that because the 'right to adopt' is not recognised in any domestic or international law that Northern Ireland can stop whoever they want from adopting. Well if this argument is the case, to my knowledge, there is no domestic of international law on length of grass in a residential area, so I think we should all campaign that it must be 2 inches or less. What a pathetic excuse it is really. Simply because there is no higher authority pressuring them into it they will just not bother with it. Just because there is no higher law on the matter does not make it an excuse to ignore the matter, it is an opportunity to show the world that Northern Ireland is a progressive country who welcomes people from all walks of life.

This isn't law isn't even a mistake or happened by accident this was a 'deliberate, open-eyed' decision made to prevent same-sex couples from adopting a child. Supposedly to preserve it's welfare or some shit! I have spent the past hour trying to find the statistics I read a while back but no to success. So I cannot prove this and if I can and will put a link here to them. But basically it just said that in Foster cases a higher percentage of same-sex couples moved faster and more often from fostering to adoption than heterosexual couples and that the same-sex couples showed more enthusiasm during the whole process. Is it just me or would that not show a loving caring and stable family for an adoptive child. But then again I must be wrong in my thinking that a caring loving family is better for a child's welfare than staying never being adopted it's whole life.

This is one of the many reasons why Northern Ireland, Religion, Devolution and just people in general really piss me off. What is the point in living in the United Kingdom if it is one law for one person and one for another. If I wanted to live my life like that I would move to America thank you very much.

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

I am a British Citizen

Let me first of all go through the facts which show how I am a British Citizen.

  1. I am from Northern Ireland, which is part of the United Kingdom
Well that is really the only fact that I need to prove that I am a British citizen. However this does not seem to be enough for people, certain people have told me 'Northern Ireland and Britain are separate', 'Irish people are Irish', 'Northern Ireland isn't in Britain', 'unless you where born on the island of Britain you can't be British' and finally my favourite 'Northern Ireland is in Ireland not United Kingdom'. So if I was to listen to all of these internet people I would believe myself to not  be British but let me just clear up a few of these misconceptions.

'Northern Ireland and Britain are separate'
'Northern Ireland isn't in Britain'
Well yes these two facts are indeed correct. So I cannot argue with them. However to the people who have tried to use these as argument to me my response to them is if they actually know what 'Britain' is. They usually reply with 'The UK' or slightly more intelligent people 'England, Scotland and Wales'. However both of these answers are wrong. The area known as Britain was used when referring to England and Wales alone, and after the Act of Union with Scotland it became known as 'Great Britain'. However today 'Britain' is used to refer to England, England and Wales, England Scotland and Wales, and the United Kingdom as a whole. So I let this slide as everyone has been slightly mislead.

'Irish people are Irish'
Well again this fact is true. People born in the Republic of Ireland are indeed Irish. People who use this argument against me assume that people in Northern Ireland are Irish. Well that is only partially true. Due to Northern Ireland not even being 100 years old yet there are people alive today (91+) who where alive when there was no such thing as Northern Ireland and therefore where born in a not yet separated Ireland. Being a direct descendent of these people there are a number of people who live in Northern Ireland who still want to hold on to the Irish pride in their family. Solution: Dual Nationality. Therefore there are a few Northern Irish citizens who are both British and Irish. Some refer to themselves solely as British and others solely as Irish. Each to their own of course.

'Unless you where born on the island of Britain you can't be British'
I will refer you back to my point of what 'Britain' actually is and remind you there is no official 'Island of Britain' there is however the 'Island of Great Britain'. Now if this argument was factually correct it may have had some intellectual weight, saying that though it still does not work. You do not have to be born in 'Great Britain' to be British. First of all 'British' is the nationality of the United Kingdom and not of a geographical island. May it also be noted here that certain English, Scottish and Welsh islands are not part of 'Great Britain'. Second you do not even have to be born in the United Kingdom to be British. If you read up on British Nationality Law you will see there are many ways to claim British citizenship, including parents being British, adoption by British family and many others with complicated rules and regulations. So overall this fact, although bordering on a sufficient argument is wrong.

  'Northern Ireland is in Ireland not United Kingdom'
This whole argument is just hilarious and I laugh at it, but I still feel the need to argument as a number of people feel it is a valid argument. So my arguments in short;

  • The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
  • My MP sits in Westminster
  • My MEP's represent the UK in the EU
  • My monarchy is HR The Queen Elizabeth II
  • My currency is Sterling Pound
  • My Flag is The Union Flag
  • If I was put to jail I would go to 'Her Majesty's Prison'
I could go on and on but I feel the arguments would just get boring, but you get the point. Fact is fact that a United Ireland has not yet happened again and that Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom.

So there you have it. I am a British Citizen. But does that make British? Well no. Officially I am a British Citizen but that doesn't mean I feel British. The United Kingdom being a 'country of countries' there are people who feel more pride in their home country and may feel 'English', 'Scottish', 'Welsh' or 'Northern Irish'. These are not recognised nationalities, but it does not mean people can't feel that way. Immigrants who come into the country may officially be British Citizens but they still may consider themselves 'American' or 'Polish' or 'Australian'.

Nationality is two things; your official nationality (albeit dual or not) and the nationality you feel in your heart. Which one is more important? Is it right be officially be one and feel another? Is dual nationality right? These are all argument for another day. For now I shall leave you as I walk around my flat singing the British National Anthem...

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Is My Life more than 140 Characters

So Lent is upon us, many of my friends are giving up crisps, sweets and alcohol, there also things they haven't given up which they probably should have, but that is not my place to say. So I thought to myself, what can I give up for Lent? Many Christians celebrate lent by giving up certain luxuries and by practising self discipline, they use the spare time created to fill their lives with more productive things. So I thought to myself what is there in my life that is taking up a lot of my time that I could other wise be using productively. The answer of course was Twitter.

I am going to give up Twitter for Lent

This is going to be one of the hardest things in my life! That is rather pathetic to say, but I really think it will be. But I am going to spend the time I would have otherwise used to be on Twitter to fill it with uni work and other things that are productive. I know my time spent on Facebook and Tumblr will increase to compensate not being on Twitter but I do believe my overall time spent online will decrease.

My life is more than 140 characters... it is time to start living my life to my full potential and start working towards to future that I want to have.

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

The Nathan Dickson Rule

Call up the man you like and ask him on a date. Did he say yes? Great, he probably likes you. What if he makes up an excuse for why he can’t go out? This is the time to employ the Nathan Dickson Rule.
Imagine that instead of you, Nathan Dickson had asked this same man out. Would he use the same excuse with him? If Nathan Dickson asked him on a date, would he still say he had to study or was going to the movies with friends that night? Nope. He would have dropped pretty much anything and everything to be able to accept a date with Nathan.
Now you’re not Dickson obviously. But if a man is interested in you, he will drop his other plans to be available to go out with you.
Of course there are exceptions; the man may have a legitimate reason he cannot make the date. Perhaps he has to work or go to a funeral. But, and here is the real clincher, he will suggest a different time for the date. He will say something along the lines of “I can’t do it Saturday night, do you want to hang out next weekend?”
If he makes up an excuse and he does not suggest an alternative plan, you have been shut out. He is not interested. Do not ask him out again. Doing so will only result in awkwardness and you feeling like a tool.
But don’t worry; he probably isn’t as cool as you thought he was since he doesn’t appreciate your charms. Start pursuing another man who will.

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Living on Your Own

With the job that I have at university I get a rent free flat instead of getting paid, which for a student is fantastic. It is a huge weight off my mind and less worry about how much money is coming out of my account every month. The one downside is that I live in this flat alone.

My job is an 'Accommodation Liaison Student', basically I am there as a sort of welfare and discipline student for first year students. I do 2-3 nights a week and get every 4th week off, so the workload isn't too bad. There are four first year accommodations on my University campus and there are 4 ALS's in every building. So me and three others work in my building, each of us having our own flat. As a group of 16 we all get on reasonably well and am very god friends with a few of them, I also have my friends who I know from my first year of uni and then new friends I have made this year. So I am never alone, I always have friends to go and hang out with, but, living on my own can get awfully lonely.

As I said I do have friends who I go out and hang out with so I am not alone, I am just lonely. All my life I have lived with someone; up until I was 18 I lived with my Mum my Dad and my sister and then when I was in my first year of university I shared kitchen and bathroom spaces with 17 other people, but now there is just me. It is weird waking up to an empty flat and coming home at night to an empty flat and something to this day I still find hard to cope with.

I go out and see my friends when we are all free, but sometimes I have uni work or they have uni work and having friends who have similar work patterns to you it is hard to find a day when a few of us are free to just chill or go out and have a drink. Before Christmas I don't think I tried as hard as I probably should have done to see everyone when I could have but that was my own fault really. So when I go back to uni I am going to try and follow these tips on how to live on my own successfully.

Top Tips on How to Live on Your Own

  1. Food
    Shopping for food was something it took me a while to get used to, as I was used to buying food that I could share with other people that I was living with and at the start of the year I was throwing away a lot of food. But what I found is that if I specifically buy more food than needed, I can make my meals and freeze them for use another night. If it suits you then have the same meal every day for a week and if you don't want to do that have the same 4/5 meals over the space of a few weeks and spread them all in. Buying in bulk can help to cut the costs and doing this will help to cut down on your weekly shopping bill.
  2. Keep Yourself Busy
    Always try to have something planned for everyday. If you have a plan of what you want to do that day you can just get about doing it. Even if your plan is to have a lazy day in your PJ's and do nothing that is what you planned to do that day and you don't feel like you are wasting your day. Try to plan days or nights out with people in advance so if you do unexpectantly have nothing to do one day you have something to look forward to that night. Or if you do find you have nothing to do do not be afraid to call up and see if anyone else is free to have a casual drink or watch a movie.
  3. Don't Watch TV During the Day
    One of the things I hated most about living on my own is when you wake up, or come home from seeing friends I was always alone in my flat with nothing to do. But if you can get your favourite television series 'on demand' wait until those nights you come home with nothing to do and watch them then. If you are sticking to Tip 2 and you are keeping yourself busy then you will be grateful to have something to do late at night when everyone has gone home and you are in your flat alone or you have just woken up and are waiting to go to class or work.
  4. Take Yourself off Somewhere New
    If you want to spend the day relaxing by reading a book or if you have some work to do for your class or exams to revise for, leave your flat and do it elsewhere. Go to the library to study or down to the pub and have a drink and read but just try to get out of your flat. Living alone can get frustrating with having nothing but those same four walls to look at, but getting a change of scenery can be a great help, more than you realise. Being somewhere different can keep you away from feeling like you are trapped and alone and can actually relax you.
  5. Yes All That Mess is Yours
    I never realised how messy I could actually be until I lived on my own. Living with other people you can often rely on someone else to wash up that breakfast bowl you forgot about or replace the toilet roll that is nearly running out. Living on your own you have to do everything yourself, do not leave it all until the last minute. Take a day every week, for me it is a Friday, and make that your cleaning day. Go about the flat, dust it, hoover it, tidy it all up, do your laundry and make sure you are not running out of toilet roll and toothpaste. This day is also a good day to do a small weekly shop of anything you are running out of and will save a huge bill when you do your 'Big Shop'

Sunday, 8 January 2012

The Art of Arguing

I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.
 - Thatcher

Anybody who knows me at all will know that I love a good argument. Arguing is what I do best, quite frankly I can make an argument out of anything. I have very 'different' opinions than everyone else and not a lot of people agree with me. THIS is what I love about Twitter, is that I can interact with lots of different people who don't agree with me. It gets my juices flowing, gets me going for a good argument.

I think an 'argument' is the wrong word here, a 'healthy debate' is what I am really looking for. I love sitting down and just bashing out a debate with someone then at the end of it agreeing to disagree and move on, end of. What really bugs me though is when people just take it too far and start to make it all personal. That I suppose is where it becomes an argument. That for me is when I lose respect in people.

My understanding in the situation is that you will never find anyone who will agree with you 100% and when you do ,you should try and not let them get into your life. I have been friends with people and any time we ever discussed politics and either of us made a point the other would reply with 'oh yes I totally agree'. To me that is a crap conversation, I got easily bored of this person and we are no longer friends, not because we don't like each other, simply because we had far too much in common and it got boring.

It is true what they say 'differences attract'. My twitter following is an example of that, my timeline is filled with Labour supporters and sure most of their tweets make me scream at how wrong I think they are, but that is the fun of it. In my mind if you are going to have the strongest possible argument you need to know what the oppositions argument is so you know how to counter it. For this simple reason I read The Guardian and The Independent. I am Right Wing and find if I sit and read the Telegraph I just sit there reading it going ''you don't say'' and it bores me. I like to read something that challenges my opinion, makes me think differently to what I believe and by the end of the day strengthen my own views.

Anyone who has ever argued me will try and deny this, but I love losing a debate. When I lose a debate, I can see that my argument isn't strong enough. It is usually unlikely that my view has completely changed, so what I do is look at the arguments that trumped me and see if I can break them down and find a counter-argument to them. If I believe in something I want to try and convince others so I obviously like to have a strong argument.

Some of my 'rules' I like to follow when having a debate with someone:

  • This is not a personal debate, so do not make it into one.
  • Just because this persons disagrees with me does NOT mean that I will dislike them personally.
  • Don't force an opinion change, simply put forward another point of view.
  • NEVER tell them they are wrong.
  • When you have been defeated, admit defeat. 
  • Do not make fun of or slate someone's opinion, they have that opinion for a reason.
  • Do not make your arguments into personal attacks.
  • If they make their arguments into personal attacks, end the debate otherwise it will get heated and turn into a bloodbath. (Even if it means they think they have won, let them)
Politics, and life in general is all about opinion. Nobody is right or wrong. We all just have different opinions. I am a firm believer in that there should be periods of short 5 year governments to keep the country in a stable position.I may be a right wing Tory but I know that sometimes Labour policies are what is needed to get something done. For example I do not agree pensioners having free bus / rail travel, however I understand that it is a very positive policy.

Just because you don't agree with an opinion, it does not mean you should not respect it and the person who holds it. That doesn't mean you shouldn't discuss other alternative opinions, it just means you shouldn't force your opinion on them or tell them they are wrong. It is pretty simple really!

Friday, 6 January 2012

Margaret Thatcher: The Gay Icon

Whoever would have thought that such a right wing conservative Prime Minister could become one of the biggest 'Gay Icons' in my life? Well she has. Sure Thatchers government was known for putting one the worst anti-homosexual bills through parliament in 1988, Section 28 (which nobody was ever actually prosecuted under might I add), but she has become one of the biggest political role models in my life and quite simply I adore her. To fuel fire towards my love for Thatcher the one and only Meryl Streep has portrayed her in The Iron Lady which I believe will only make Thatcher even more of a Gay Icon.

It may seem to some people that a gay loving Thatcher is like a turkey loving Christmas. However in my mind other gay icons, such as Adele, Lady Gaga and Beyonce all have one thing in common, which is a 'stick it to the man, I am a strong women who won't let no man walk over me' type of attitude which attracts them to becoming these gay icons. Thatcher is the epitome of this on the political stage, I am sorry but 'The lady is not for turning' could not be any more evident of this. Thatcher just explodes with the sense that she is there, she is going to do what she wants to do and she will not let any other man in the House of Commons tell her otherwise. This for me is the sole reason why she is, and forever should be, a gay icon.

To be any form of icon you need to be able to create yourself out of yourself put on your best smile no matter the occasion and let nobody put you in the corner and this is one thing Thatcher knew how to do. Like other gay icons she does nothing but emasculate the men around her making them whimper and fear in her presence. Thatchers power comes from her sense of dominance, not only within her own cabinet but the whole of the political spectrum. In comparison to John Major (her successor) she stands bright and strong above him, giving this sense of her towering above the rest looking down on them in this glow of excellence. This control and power over men most likely is that which attracts Lady Thatcher into becoming the icon she is.

In contrast to the many dull, old and boring male MPs (and that of the female MPs who looked like the dressed in the dark), Thatcher towered over them with, her eloquence, her femininity, the fact that she set out to achieve what she desired with nothing but raw determination and not to mention her fashion all set her up to be this powerful icon. Her fashion sense was and still is pure camp; with her wardrobe filled with colour, pearls, brooches and hats, any fashion conscience person could see what attracts the gays to her. With her it seems every day is a wedding, that she knows the magic of hairspray and has a wardrobe to rival the Queen herself. With lines like 'the pearls are absolutely non-negotiable' coming from The Iron Lady how can it be said that Thatcher herself is not being portrayed as 'camp' herself.

Sure enough I love Thatcher not only because of this but because of her style of leadership, her complete and utter confidence in herself, her never surrendering approach and also and quite importantly her polices as well. Thatcher may be one of the most hated politicians around, but she is arguably one of the most loved as well. Thatcher is quite like Marmite you either love her or hate, this usually stemming from the fact that she either f**ked over your family or made your life better. Either way I adore her and sure her policies may have been classed as harsh but I stand firmly in my belief that we look at Thatcher too much in hindsight and that she was what was needed at the time.

"If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing."

Tuesday, 3 January 2012


I have been incredibly lucky in that in my life since coming out; I have never experienced any form of personal homophobic abuse. Sure I have had snide comments made, but they have never been direct and they have never been anything too serious other than the traditional 'religious' side of it. That was until today, and what surprised me most was that it came from someone who I thought was a very good friend of mine.

I went out with my sister and our mutual friend, who for the purpose of this blog shall be called Sarah. Now Sarah and I  have been good friends for many years, I know and get on with her mother very well, in fact I used to spend time sitting in with her mum when Sarah wasn't there and I know her family well. We went out and had a very enjoyable day. The day was turning out to be a very enjoyable day especially seeing as I was not looking forward to it in the first place, for financial reasons. So before we went to the cinema that night we stopped in McDonalds where the laughs and jokes continued.

My sister has been in a relationship with a guy for a while now and I constantly joke about her getting married and having children and basically planning out her whole life for her. I told her she isn't allowed to have a child until she is married and that I would want our children to be about the same age so they can be good friends as cousins. This is what the conversation went like after:

Sarah: 'You want what?'
Me: 'Our children to be the same age so they can grow up together'
Sarah: 'What do you mean?'
Me: 'Well I want to adopt so Kylie's (my sister) child has to be born after she is married so it gives me enough time to find someone to adopt with.
Sarah: 'Well honestly I would rather have Kylie have a child before marriage than have someone like you adopt'
Me: '..... sorry what?'
Sarah: 'Well I just don't think people like you should be allowed to adopt'

Well I wanted to scream, cry and slap her all at the same time! I just couldn't believe what I had just heard and even though I love to cause a scene I just was not in the mood so I just sat there in silence. I constantly got snide comments from my sister and her about how I was in a 'huff' etc. I still just sat there and shrugged. We where supposed to go to the cinema, but the film was sold out so I just said I wanted to go home. They brought me home and drove away. I didn't want to get my parents involved so I never said anything and just let it all slide. When I went up to my room it took every ounce of strength not to cry.

About 20 minutes later I got a BBM saying 'Why you always go on wee huffs when I'm with yous! You just ruined a good wee day'. Again it took everything I had not to bitch back at her but it wasn't worth it so I just dropped it. Until my sister came home. She stormed into my room claiming I ruined the whole day and I didn't have to go into a mood about everything. That was the final straw. I stood up and started screaming at her telling her how dare she side with her and that I was her own brother. She tried to fight her corner but I just slamed my door and started to cry.

My mother and father came upstairs at this point. Well my parents never really had a good relationship with me since I came out and I didn't know what was to happen next. But my mother sat with me and let me cry. Then she went to my sister and started fighting my corner which made me cry even more, this time with happiness. She said Sarah's name wasn't to be spoken in this house again, my sister was free to be friends with her or whatever but she was no longer welcome in this house and will have nothing more to do with her.

I was so proud of my mother. All I could muster to her was a mouthed 'Thank You' after it all.

The thing was if it had have been anyone else I wouldn't have cared. I also don't care if any of my friends have the same opinions but they have no need to voice them and neither did she. I don't agree with some of my friends life choices but I stick by them and support them because that is what friends do. To me it is simple, if the choice that friend makes does not effect your friendship in anyway then there is no need to voice negative opinion. Sarah could have spent the rest of her life disagreeing with my choice of adoption but as long as she supported me when I needed it I honestly would not have cared.

To me homophobia is not the problem. The problem is when a friend decides that you have become a different person because of your sexuality. It is when they decide in their heads that  your personality has changed or your humour or your friendship. That is the problem. I have number of friends who I know are uncomfortable and in some cases have a problem with my sexuality, but they don't voice it to me and tell me I should change or that they disapprove of me and in fact some of them are very close friends to me. Sexuality should not effect friendship, just like the colour of your skin, the colour of your hair, your weight, your looks, your shoe size or even if your disabled. It is the person inside that defines friendship. When it comes to me homophobia only becomes a problem when other people make it into a problem.

Whether you are gay, straight, black, white, disabled, ginger or anything that makes you 'different' I will not judge our friendship on that, I will judge it on who you are inside. Is that not the way it is supposed to be?