Friday, 3 June 2011

Gays are too Gay

Yes I am a homosexual, but I am not under any circumstances 'gay'. I hate being labelled. I hate being introduced as 'the gay friend'. I hate how my sexuality seems to be how people describe me. Fair enough, I am pretty camp, but that is because of who I am, not what I am. There is so much more to me than just being gay.

I study History and Politics.
I want to be the Prime Minister one day.
If I do not get into politics I want to become a teacher.
I enjoy writing and often write poetry.
My favourite colour is blue.
I like to sleep with my teddy.
My nickname is Nando.
I love Glee.

You know this list goes on and on. I may be sexually attracted to guys but that does not make me part of some 'community' or automatically fit into some sort of stereotype. Sure I may fit into some of these stereotypes, but so what? I don't introduce some people as my 'straight friend', automatically assume that they are a sports fanatic or even fancy every girl that has ever walked the earth. Sure I may talk about guys a lot, but last time I checked straight people talk about the opposite sex a lot as well. It just annoys me that people think they automatically know who I am and everything about me because I am gay. Well I'm sorry but no you don't. Most people are surprised to find out that I am obsessed with Black Ops. Why should you be surprised? It isn't like it is a straight only game.

What makes this all worse though is people who I like to call 'Gay gays'. These are the people who constantly like to remind others they are gay, put all over their twitter that they are gay, are always talking about how discriminated against they are, trying to play the 'gay card' when life doesn't go their way. Well I am sorry, but the person who fell out with you, didn't do so because you gay, they did it because you are not a very nice person to hang about with, you didn't get that job because the employer was homophobic, you didn't get it because the person who got it was just more qualified than you and for goodness sake people don't call you a slut because you are gay, they call you one because you have sex with every guy you come across.

Some gay people need to stop being 'Gay' and start being who they are. It really bugs me when people try and revolve their whole life around their sexuality, there is so much more to a person than their sexuality and if people ever want to cut out homophobia they need to realise that being gay isn't everything.

Before I continue I would like to point out that this is not a blog giving off at or separating 'queens' or 'straight acting' people as that is another argument all together. Both 'types' of gays are guilty of this. I myself have been guilty of this as some of my friends like to point out to me when I go off on this rant.

But. Back to the main point. Some gay people spend too much time stereotyping themselves and constantly reminding people that they are gay that they further separate themselves from everyone else. In my opinion fighting for Gay Rights is about both 'communities' coming together and showing people that we are the same whether we are gay, straight, lesbian, transgender or whatever. I just wish people would stop making it worse for themselves.

Yes I do think that some people make it worse for themselves. Fighting for gay rights is something that I have done in the past and will continue to do in some situations where I feel that my voice should be heard. Those people who fight for such rights are an admiration to me that they stand up there and fight for these things. But they are not fighting for your rights so that you can constantly make yourself different and constantly try to feel discriminated against. Yes there are some occasions where gay people are discriminated against which is wrong, but that does not give anyone the right to say they always are. In fact sometimes I feel like when some people play the 'gay card' they are spitting in the faces of the people who stand up for the rights of homosexual people.

Right so this blog has been a bit all over the place but I would just like to sum up my argument, if possible. Basically I believe that some gay people should stop focussing on how different they are to everyone else and start realising that everybody is all the same no matter what their sexuality. People, both straight and gay, need to realise that nobody should be described by their sexuality. The gender of person who you want to share a bed with does not dictate who you are, it is how you treat that person and everyone else around you which dictates who you are. So stop trying to be 'Gay' and start being yourself and you will find that those rights you want and deserve are within all of our grasps.


  1. 3rd paragraph is like perfection in word form. k.

  2. This will be despite the fact that it has been argued by several prominent psychologists that part of the coming out process and finding out about who you are is to gravitate from one extreme to another before finding a healthy balance.

    This is why you will get some guys who are incredibly effeminate and some guys who are masculine to the point of compensating. Its the equivalent of teenagers whining that their lives are always crap. Its all just part of becoming yourself. Its why you usually don't see full grown adults of say 30 and upwards doing the whole effeminate and overly masculine thing. They have been around long enough to find a balance.

    The same thing counts for people who always speak about being gay. Its like alcoholics talking about alcoholism or cancer patients talking about cancer, its how you come to terms with what is happening to you and who you are.

    Furthermore, who are you to say what being gay and not being gay is or ins't? People make their own identities and definitions based on their experiences and, so long as they are not harming you, what business is it of yours exactly? No one is forcing you to hang around effeminate people?

    I could go on but frankly I won't waste any more of your time and mine with this. I made several similar statements myself when I was your age about "screaming queens" and what have you but as I got older I really learned to care less about other people and what they were doing and focus more on what I was doing.

    Take some advice from an older fag like me: just calm down and try and see it from their point of view, yeah? People who are over the top and out there are usually more terrified of what's going on than you are. And you making comments like this ain't too helpful. Who the fuck wants to be normal and fit in anyways?

  3. You have failed to crasp the concept of the blog, I never once tried to tell people what is being gay and what is not being gay, nor did I ever mention that I do like hanging around with 'effeminate people' as I mentioned I am pretty camp myself. As I clearly mentioned this is not a blog about how effeminate people are and I never put forward any of my opinion on that as that is a different subject all together so I think that you have got the wrong end of the stick when it comes down to this blog, it isn't about being over the top or masculine or whatever it is you are trying to claim I am against.

    This blog is actually about being yourself - being effeminate or being masculine or whatever it is you want to me, I am not giving off at 'screaming queens' as you are trying to say I am i clearly stated that was a different matter.

    My argument is clearly stated that people need to realise that it is not their sexuality that makes them who they are it is their personality and I thought an 'older fag' as you put it would recognise that more than anyone.

  4. Nando i have read allot of yor blogs and I do find the "Gay" ones more intresting because of the comments left on them. I aggree with what you are saying and do feel that the people commenting on them with "Bad vibes" are just looking for an argument or to stir things up. I also believe that this is your blog therefore you should be able to post what you believe without others telling you that you are "wrong"!! We were given the freedom of speach and freedom to express what you believe in for a reason and i would like to say good on you for saying what you think as some people may be to affraid of doing this because of the comments they get back!

  5. Well that is just the nicest comment ever and has cheered my up on this gloomy Monday morning! Thank You! Some of my blogs I write them to make them slightly more controversial and to get a debate flowing with people, but I agree sometimes people just comment for the sake of an argument not debate.

  6. Ok so I agree with what you are saying about people who are purposely trying to be different and spark controversy which makes thing worse. But the problem I have with this is that you seem to be alienating people who are genuinely 'in your face' people. I mean there are plenty of straight people who would flaunt certain parts of themselves, and yes it can be very annoying, but that's just who they are and I feel that the same goes for gay people who are just being themselves, they just happen to be very loud and proud. Some people don't want to fit in and I think the whole point of campaigning for LGBT rights is so that people are free to be themselves, regardless of if they are quiet and 'straight acting' or loud and sometimes full of stupidity, that's just who they are and it should be within their rights to be that way.

  7. Well actually what you are trying to argue is part of the main point to this blog. People should be within their right to be who they are, not what they are. Being 'loud and proud' and 'staight acting' as nothing to do with this blog as many people keep trying to make it be, this applies to both parties. I am not saying that people should 'fit in' as such. What I mean is that whether we are Gay or Straight we can all be the same at being different, if that even makes any sense.
    I know that we are campaigning so that everyone can be different, but treated as equals, and people are not going to be treated as equals until they treat themselves as equals. How can straight people see us as equals if we are going to forever remind them otherwise?

  8. generally speaking if people don't remind them otherwise then how are things going to change? The fact of the matter is we're not equal, not yet, there's still a lot of homophobia out there and if it's not challenged boldly it's not going to go away. Don't get me wrong, people adding the fact that they're gay into every other sentence irritates me as much as the next person but I believe that if we try to alienate them then we're just making our cause weaker and broken when we need to stand tgether.

  9. Another well presented blog in my opinion Nathan. I agree with much of what you said. I hate the whole label thing - it demeans a person to be neatly categorised in a box. Labelling leads to the worst type of stereotyping. Its is wrong to say all gays are the same just like it would be to say all blacks are the same or all women are the same. Diversity means more than just embracing sexuality, race, religion, sex - it's about embracing people for who they are as an individual not what they are. Thank you for another entertaining blog :-)

  10. I'm just going to hijack your rant with a rant of my own. It's slightly similar, it shares the ideas of conforming to society.
    As soon as a gender is established, whether that be through a scan or at birth, you're subjected to the hopes and conventions that surround your genitalia. This could be through your parents, or through society.

    These stereotypes that are primarily attached to genders actually make me a little sick. I'm gay and I know if either of my parents were to find out at this moment in time, all of those conventions that are formed (just from my physical appearance) would shatter. I'm nearly 17 and over the past 2 years my dad has been very vocal about how I should get a girlfriend and get down to the "good old rumpy pumpy". I'm pretty sure these are just last ditch efforts, I think he realised that I was gay a long time ago. I actually knew from an early age that I was going to disappoint my family when it came down to marrying (a woman) and continuing the family name/blood. That's a lot of pressure, and ultimately it leads to denial. Just because of my physical appearance, I have all of these expectations, I don't think that's healthy and I'd wish society would realise this too.

    I can assure you that this isn't going to turn into some transexual rant. I'm perfectly happy with my penis and I'm perfectly happy liking other men. But, I believe that gender is something more fluid, I don't think that your genitalia should just automatically assume that you're going to be this person, marry this person, do this and do that. I think that as soon as people realise that people should be defined as people and not as male/ female then, well things would be easier; for the people who are scared of disappointed society and for the society that is going to be disappointed. Ultimately, I'm just agreeing with the person above me talking about accepting people as individuals, I'd just thought I'd share a different aspect of your rant.